Witty Wednesday # 78 Irish Petrol Station

When John emailed me this joke I knew I've seen it before but couldn't remember if I had included it in a WW.

Subject: Irish Petrol Station

A petrol station owner in Dublin was trying to increase his sales.

So, he put up a sign that read, 'Free Sex with Fill-Up.'

Soon Paddy pulled in, filled his tank and asked for his free sex.
The owner told him to pick a number from 1 to 10.

If he guessed correctly, he would get his free sex.

Paddy guessed 8, and the proprietor said, 'You were close. The number was 7. Sorry. No sex this time.'

A week later, Paddy, along with his friend Mick, pulled in for another
fill-up. Again he asked for his free sex.

The proprietor again gave him the same story, and asked him to guess the correct number. Paddy guessed 2 this time. The proprietor said, 'Sorry, it was 3.
You were close, but no free sex this time.'

As they were driving away, Mick said to Paddy, 'I think that game is rigged and he doesn't really give away free sex.'

Paddy replied, 'No it ain't, Mick. It's not rigged at all at all. My wife won twice last week.'
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CURTAIN RODS --- PRICELESS

On the first day, she sadly packed her belongings into boxes, crates and suitcases.

On the second day, she had the movers come and collect her things.

On the third day, she sat down for the last time at their beautiful dining-room table, by candle-light; she put on some soft background music, and feasted on a pound of shrimp, a jar of caviar,and a bottle of spring-water.

When she'd finished, she went into each and every room and deposited a few half-eaten shrimps dipped in caviar into the hollow centre of the curtain rods.

She then cleaned up the kitchen and left.

On the fourth day, the husband came back with his new girlfriend, and at first all was bliss.

Then, slowly, the house began to smell. They tried everything; cleaning, mopping, and airing-out the place. Vents were checked for dead rodents, and carpets were steam cleaned. Air fresheners were hung everywhere. Exterminators were brought in to set off gas canisters, during which time the two had to move out for a few days, and in the end they even paid to replace the expensive wool carpeting. Nothing worked!

People stopped coming over to visit.
Repairmen refused to work in the house.
The maid quit.

Finally, they couldn't take the stench any longer, and decided they had to move, but a month later - even though they'd cut their price in half - they couldn't find a buyer for such a stinky house.

Word got out, and eventually even the local realtors refused to return their calls.

Finally, unable to wait any longer for a purchaser, they had to borrow a huge sum of money from the bank to purchase a new place.

Then the ex-wife called the man and asked how things were going. He told her the saga of the rotting house. She listened politely and said that she missed her old home terribly and would be willing to reduce her divorce settlement in exchange for having the house.

Knowing she could have no idea how bad the smell really was, he agreed on a price that was only 1/10 th of what the house had been worth ... but only if she would sign the papers that very day.

She agreed, and within two hours his lawyers delivered the completed paperwork.

A week later the man and his girlfriend stood smiling as they watched the moving company pack everything to take to their new home ....

...... and to spite the ex-wife, they even took the the curtain rods!


I LOVE A HAPPY ENDING, DON'T YOU!

Hope you had a giggle on this, the last day of the year-I'll see you in 2009.

Archives:
2007: Fun Monday-47
2006: Happy New Year

Lucky me!

Today I've decided to show you my Christmas presents:
I know Embee likes to be praised and he did fix the magnetic board, that he gave me, to the wall yesterday-so he gets brownie points!
Until now the only place I've had for all my magnets is on my boiler. It's a very small surface area and, because I try to buy a magnet each place I visit, and I'm also given them as presents, it was full. So, you can see why I needed more display space and this is perfect. However, I don't think it will take long to fill it!

Embee also put up my magnetic knife strip(a gift to myself). Unfortunately, to do this he had to move two of the ornamental tiles I had displayed on that wall. The end result is all my knives are taking up less space and I can get rid of my knife block from the worktop. My best knife is the one on the right.
I had this digital photoframe from Beccy and Joules.Joules had put a lovely selections of photos ready for me to play and these are just a few of them (not a good quality photo on my part). I was also able to play the memory stick full of photos that Sam prepared for me when we were in Portugal, which is really great.

Beccy also made me this lovely Raspberry Jam

and the children made me Hokey Pokey. It was beautifully presented in a glass, but I forgot to take a photo before I put it into an airtight container to stop it going soft.

I was also given some money and I have now started my laptop fund!

Ben's Lego Train set.
I've also decided to show the video that I made to send to Sam. It is quite long and not edited so you might find it a bit boring! This is the lego train set that she gave Ben for Christmas. I think Dillon had as much fun as Ben and he certainly did most of the construction. The video shows it built as it was intended.
However, after a couple of days Dillon broke it up and made his own version of an engine. I think there is potential for a lot of creativity and much fun. It all had to be completely dismantled to go into a suitcase to get it home on the plane.

I was keen for Ben to talk to Sam on the video but he was not cooperating so there is a bit at the end when Beccy tries to get him talking by asking questions.

Now there is a story to this lego Sam won it many years ago in a competition, and at the time it was a very handsome prize; it has been very safely stored since then.

Sam you gave the boys a lot of pleasure this Christmas.

Archives:
2007: London Eye View
2006: Hospital Treatment

Fun Monday # 96 and Shopping

I am totally disorientated and forgot that it should have been a Fun Monday post today! So this is a rapid addition to what I have already published below.

Sayre is our charming host, today, and she wants to know two things about our holiday:

What was the most touching, wonderful part of Christmas for you this year?
AND What was the craziest, stupidest, funniest part this year?

For me having the family here is always the best part of Christmas, and talking to Sam on skype as she can't be here. I have to say that this year I was in a panic because for some reason my turkey did not seem to cook properly and I thought my roast potatoes would never crisp up so it was an absolute relief when we at down to eat and everyone said it ws the best turkey we'd ever had. Mind you, I do recall we have said that in the past but not every year. I do think this year it was a melt in your mouth experience and the potatoes, cooked in goose fat, were perfect.

Normally I don't get surprised with my Christmas presents but this year the family managed it and I had absolutely no idea what I was getting. Beccy and family bought me a digital photo frame and Embee bought me a magnetic board to accommodate my overflow of fridge magnets, also I can use it for messages. So quite a novel idea, he even managed to get it into the house and hide it without me seeing it which has to be a first!!! (I will be showing a few photos tomorrow).

I don't have any funny, stupid or crazy things to tell you. Well my daughter would say I'm crazy because I buy too much food and it never all gets eating. I just want to make sure we don't run out of things (and it means I don't need to shop for at least another week!)

Sorry this is such a lame post...my New Year Resolution should be to do better but then I don't make *resolutions* because I would be setting myself up to fail!

Next week (5/1/09) Summit Musings will be hosting. Be sure to visit for the assignment.
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Yesterday, the family chose to do some shopping on their final day here in Bristol. We ventured to The Mall and it was not really particularly busy, which was a pleasant surprise.
Embee went off by himself and came back with a shirt he had seen before Christmas. It was in the sale and £10 cheaper so he was delighted.
Ben wanted to go and see Madagascar -Escape to Africa so Joules took him to the cinema.
Mollie decided to spend a lot of her money on some shoes. I'm not sure about the height of the heels but apparently all her friends wear them. Beccy tried them on and though they were very comfortable. My guess is she won't wear them very often but I might be proved wrong!Dillon sat and watched proceedings and did his best to dissuade her.My grand daughter can be a very determined young lady when she chooses...I wonder who she takes after!!! Her mother and her Auntie Sam I think!!!

How much did I spend?...the grand sum of 50 pence (reduced from £1.50..the last of the big spenders!!) on a new ice scraper for the car!

Today-we were up at 5:30am and Embee dropped them to Bristol International airport-I've just had a text to say they are safely back in Dublin and in the car heading home.
We had a great few days and it won't be long until I see them again because I have already booked a flight for February.

Archives:
2007: Home from the big smoke
2006: Friday 29th

Personal choice!

Today I went took my son-in-law to choose his Christmas present at this shop.
Joules now enjoys doing some cooking but didn't have any decent knives. He handled this German knife and liked it and then we found there was a special deal so the other two came free-now that's what I like..... a bargain. I, also, bought him a sharpener and a magnetic knife strip to go with it.
There were some lovely wooden chopping boards but they were too heavy to carry back to Dublin so Beccy will buy him one when they get home.

I, also, bought myself a magnetic strip for my knives and I think I might go back and get a new chopping board; and maybe a new saucepan because guess who managed to burn one of her pans on Christmas Day....I cannot tell a lie or blame anyone else it was moi!!

Archives:
2007: My Grandson made Dinner
2006: Cheese and Broccoli Soup

Boxing Day Walk 2008

There is nothing more exhilarating than a walk on a cold sunny day. The photos each year are all very similar as we tend to repeat the same things but to me this is memories in the making. So it was off to Blaise Castle we went (it's not a castle but was a country mansion and estate)...I tried twice to get short videos to post with no luck so a couple of photos will have to suffice! Those who read my blog regularly might recognise it from previous posts. It was a lovely day and many people were out walking.
There were lots of dogs and some owners failed to clean up behind them...so who stepped in the *poop*??....luckily there was plenty of long grass!!
We always stop at the bridge for a little game of.....!!!
Embee is well fed as you can see!
There are two large slides and Ben tried to confuse me by coming down the opposite one to where I was standing-but grandmas are not always fooled!
Even big brothers aren't too old for a little fun!!

Archives:
2007: Playing Games
2006: Meet Bionicle

Sharing some Christmas Day Photos.

We always have a family walk on Boxing Day and this year was no exception. It was a cold but sunny day and there were lots of people out taking the air after the Christmas Day festivities. I did take a few photos but instead of sharing those I will let you get a little glimpse of yesterday.
Ben was very helpful giving out all the presents, under Beccy's watchful eye! I don't know if you can see what is written on his T-shirt, but his dad also got one. He hasn't worn it yet so I couldn't get a picture!
Mollie was wearing her pretty dress that I know Sam wanted to see.
Dillon is never far from his laptop!
Joules and my mother seemed to be getting a nice lot of pressies!
Doesn't Embee look like his sister! They are both looking very serious but I assure you they were enjoying themselves!

Archives:
2007: Boxing Day
2006: Boxing Day Traditions

Christmas Greetings

This is my Christmas card to all the wonderful friends I have made during the past two years of blogging. I may not visit as often as I would like but that doesn't mean you are forgotten.

However you plan to spend your Christmas, I hope you have a wonderful time. May the coming year bring health and happiness to you and your families.

Best wishes
from Chrisb (supergran), EmBee, Beccy and her family.

Also sending love and hugs to Sam and Fred. We wish you could be here with us but we will be thinking of you. xx

Archives:
2007: Christmas Day
2006: Happy Christmas

Let the fun begin

The gang arrived just after 8:30am, having started their journey at 4am...no wonder Mollie looks a bit bleary eyed!

Mollie and Dillon crashed on the settees for a sleep; so far Ben has kept going, he tells me he's bored and he's only just arrived!
Beccy and I are off to the local supermarket for a few last minute bits and pieces. I got up early and baked Ben his favourite lemon cake so that so they have something to snack on while we're out. Then it's into the kitchen for lots of food preparation ready for the big day.

Archives:
2007: Christmas Eve Police Spy
2006: Christmas Eve and 1 day to go

Waiting for Christmas!

No time to write so pictures of a few of my tree ornaments, some you might recognise, as I have shared them before.

Archives:
2007: Countdown Panic
2006: 2-Days and Counting

Look at my Belly Flops!

There is no Fun Monday this week but this is my bit of fun for today! You will find the host for next week via my side bar.

What a surprise I had when I came back from shopping to find a package pushed through the letter box. I had totally forgotten that I had won this from Alison-RDH Mom. My belly already flops so goodness knows what it will be like once I start tucking into these.
I really want to open the packet right now, but...I'm going to be very strong willed and wait until my grandchildren arrive on Wednesday as I know they love them as much as I do....well at least that's the plan!!!!!

Thank you so much Alison. It was a heavy packet to be sending through the post, and although I don't know when it will be-the next time I visit San Francisco I'm taking you out for coffee!

Postscript:
Alison I know I haven't yet done the meme -I haven't forgotten just not had time yet-sorry!

Archives:
2007: Winter Solstice
2006: Last Celebration Meal

Winter Solstice

Picture from Wiltshire news

Today was the Winter Solstice, which marks the first day of winter, and is the shortest day of the year. Many druids, as well as tourists, went to Stonehenge to celebrate as the sun rose.

I don't know about you but, personally, I'm always pleased when we have passed the shortest day as I long for the time when the evenings become a little lighter.

Archives:
2007: Christmas Greetings
2006: Winter Solstice

Music for Granny

This morning my niece's daughter had a keyboard exam and on the way back they popped in to see my mother so that Z.. could entertain her granny to a couple of tunes. Z is very interested in music and she has just bought an organ. My grandfather was an organist and choirmaster at our local church so I think she gets her musical talent from him. I don't really think she was in the best position for playing but my mother enjoyed it.

I took a few seconds of video but wished I'd thought about it sooner as it does not really do her performance justice but for some reason blogger will not upload it!



Archives:
2007: Hand Art
2006: Menu for Hope

A Forlorn Friday

In many ways today has been rather depressing. I got up early and did a few things for my mother and then made a lemon cake. I had been invited to meet up with some of my ex-work colleagues (who are also friends) for a sort of American lunch, and the cake was my contribution.
Me being in my own kitchen to cook the cake, did not please my mother because it meant she had to have her lunch a little later than normal. I may have mentioned before that it is not easy sharing a kitchen, but I won't go there again.

I was really looking forward to a couple of hours with old friends but as I caught up on what had been happening in their lives this is when I realised I should count my blessings.

Our hostess has been having a very difficult time with her teenage son, I won't go into detail, it was quite serious at the time, but things are improving.

Another person who had adopted children from a very difficult background (when they were young) and had recently helped them be reintroduced to their birth mother. As a result they quite suddenly decided to go and live with her. You can imagine how distraught this has made their mother. Again I can't go into all the details but this is likely to end in tears. The young people are 17 & 18 so technically they can make their own choices.

The twin brother of someone else is being treated for Leukaemia and he is seriously ill. The brother I know had donated bone marrow and blood and was explaining the process he had to go through. There's still no certainty that his brother will pull through but today, apparently, he showed a little improvement.

Another friend who was treated for cancer of the colon earlier this year had only just returned to work after a period of stress related illness.

Another person I had hoped to see had fallen down the stairs and injured her shoulder so couldn't come.

Another person had been out of work for a while but just managed to get a temporary post until March, so is still looking for for something permanent-not easy at the moment.

That left three of us with no major problems.

So instead of the lighthearted gathering I was expecting it actually turned out to be quite a sombre one. It did, however, allow people to express their feelings in a safe environment, which is a good thing. As most of us had been social workers at some point in our lives, one could say we were well equipped to cope with so much sadness in a small group of people.

So tonight I will be saying a prayer for my friends and I will be hoping better things for them in the coming year.


Archives:
2007: Witty Wednesday-30
2006: I'm losing the plot

What's the future of the Royal Mail!!

The postal regulator has apparently called for Royal Mail to be partly privatised to safeguard the quality of the UK's mail delivery service.

Excuse me what quality! the delivery is erratic at best and at worst millions of letters get lost in the system or stolen. I live not far from the main sorting office for the Bristol area. Every time I drive past the car park is full of vans and I often see a little huddle of people outside smoking.

Now don't get me wrong we have charming posties who deliver door to door and the chap who brings the parcels is very friendly. The problem is you never knows what time to expect a delivery, which can be very frustrating if you are waiting for something important.
A few years ago, we had two deliveries a day and collections from mail boxes were done several times a day and on a Sunday. Sadly all this has been whittled away and even though prices have risen dramatically, still the Royal Mail is losing money.

So I ask myself would it be a good or bad thing for some of it to be privatised. If the costs become more competitive and the service improves maybe it wouldn't be such a bad thing but then I look at what has happened to the train services, bus services and utilities and think maybe not! It will be interesting to see what Gordon Brown decides to do-correct me if I'm wrong but wasn't it one of Labour's manifesto pledges to keep Royal Mail in public ownership!

Archives:
2007: Proud Mother-2007 Food Blog Awards

Witty Wednesday # 77

Thank you Daffy for these little gems.



A Christmas Story for people having a bad day:

When four of Santa's elves got sick, the trainee elves did not produce toys as fast as the regular ones, and Santa began to feel the Pre-Christmas pressure.

Then Mrs Claus told Santa her Mother was coming to visit, which stressed Santa even more.

When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were about to give birth and two others had jumped the fence and were out, Heaven knows where.

Then when he began to load the sleigh, one of the floorboards cracked, the toy bag fell to the ground and all the toys were scattered.

Frustrated, Santa went in the house for a cup of apple cider and a shot of rum. When he went to the cupboard, he discovered the elves had drank all the cider and hidden the liquor. In his frustration, he accidentally dropped the cider jug, and it broke into hundreds of little glass pieces all over the kitchen floor. He went to get the broom and found the mice had eaten all the straw off the end of the broom.

Just then the doorbell rang, and irritated Santa marched to the door, yanked it open, and there stood a little angel with a great big Christmas tree.


The angel said very cheerfully, 'Merry Christmas, Santa. Isn't this a lovely day? I have a beautiful tree for you. Where would you like me to stick it?'

And so began the tradition of the little angel on top of the Christmas tree.....
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REMEMBER THIS AT CHRISTMAS TIME
According to the Alaska Department of Fish and Game, while both male and female reindeer grow antlers in the summer each year, male reindeer drop their antlers at the beginning of winter, usually late November to mid-December.

Female reindeer retain their antlers till after they give birth in the spring.

Therefore, according to EVERY historical rendition depicting Santa's reindeer, EVERY single one of them, from Rudolph to Blitzen, had to be a girl.

We should've known….. .

ONLY women would be able to drag a fat-ass man in a red velvet suit all around the world in one night and not get lost.

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Thank you Willowtree

Lawyer Joke
On their way to a justice of the peace to get married, a couple has a fatal car accident. The couple is sitting outside heaven's gate waiting for St. Peter to admit them. While waiting, they wonder if they could possibly get married in Heaven. St. Peter finally shows up and they ask him.

St. Peter says, "I don't know, this is the first time anyone has ever asked. Let me go find out," and he leaves.

The couple sits waiting for two months and begins to wonder if they really should get married in Heaven, what with the eternal aspect of it all. "What if it doesn't work out?" they wondered. "Are we stuck together forever?"

St. Peter finally returns after yet another month, looking somewhat bedraggled. "Yes," he informs the couple. "You can get married in Heaven."

"Great," says the couple. "But what if things don't work out? Could we also get a divorce in Heaven?"

St. Peter, red-faced, slams his clipboard onto the ground.

"What's wrong?" exclaims the frightened couple.

"Come on!" St. Peter exclaims. "It took me three months to find a priest up here! Do you have any idea how long it's going to take me to find a lawyer?"

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This one comes from someone who is trying to lead me astray!!!!!!!!



Scroll down and you'll see Santa's willy!

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For God's sake.........Act your age........ there is no Santa

See it's quite innocent!!!!!


Archives:
2007: Fun Monday-46+ Menu for Hope 4th Year
2006: Catching up

An evening to remember.

Yesterday I was invited to a small social gathering at my friend Anna's. There were only eight of us but Anna is a wonderful hostess. She is one of those maddening people who does everything with ease. Her home is always perfect, she is an excellent cook and she never has a hair out of place. When we go swimming, my other friend, Tina, and I go quite casually dressed and we don't worry about our hair. Anna always dries and styles her hair, while we just run a comb ours through and let it dry.

Anyway I digress, on arrival at Anna's house, we were welcomed with several glasses of Glogg, (Swedish Christmas Punch-I wasn't driving so it was OK). This went down very well as it was a cold misty evening. Anna then tempted us with trays of delicious Smørbrød. There was such an array of beautifully presented little slices of rye bread with wonderful toppings such as prawns, pork, salami, herring, salmon, cheese, siting on lettuce and garnished with herbs and there were some Swedish meat balls, which I love.
I really cannot describe how lovely it all looked and tasted and I only wish I had remembered to take photos. This will give you an idea of what I'm talking about.
It was a very enjoyable evening and I arrived home just before midnight-it's usually Embee who is out late not me but this time he was home tucked up in bed.

Archives:
2007: Silent Sunday

Fun Monday # 95 Random Act of Kindness

Mommy Wizdom set us an excellent challenge this week:

Our job this week is to go out and perform a random act of kindness. This act may be for someone you know or for a perfect stranger. If we've had a random act of kindness bestowed on us (recently), we're asked to share it.

Now I'm sure you will agree that this is a a wonderful challenge in the run up to Christmas. So why am I hanging my head in shame! I'm not trying to make it an excuse that I only found out who was hosting towards the end of the week, and by then I really didn't have time to go out and do anything specific to this challenge.
Anyone who reads my blog, regularly, will know Beccy was visiting us last week so I was very tied up.
The only things I did last week was to send off some donations to charities but that was not specifically for this challenge. I also bought a small fun surprise for a blog buddy but again that is nothing special. I could have done some baking and taken it to my two male neighbours just to fulfill the challenge but I thought this would only be seen as a token gesture.
So I have reluctantly decided that I cannot join in this week.

Archives:
2007: Cool Award
2006: Catching Up

You really must play this!!! No One as Irish as Barack OBama.

I was over at Grannymar's blog yesterday and saw this video. I had to share it as I think it is just so much fun-and after all I too have Irish connections!!! It was apparently only released on Friday.


It is performed by the Corrigan Brothers you may even have heard it already....

Could this become a best seller.......tell me what you think!!!!!!


Archives:
2007: Warning from down under
2006: Nothing Special

Saturday Squirrels

This morning Embee noticed the squirrels out foraging again in a neighbour's garden. I have been trying to get photos of these little creatures for ages. So decided that it was about time I tried out the tripod that Embee bought me about a year ago!

What happened, once the tripod was set up they didn't appear-sods law. So I left it set up and when I came back, low and behold, there was one little chap sitting on the wall eating. Now I don't have a very sophisticated camera and these were taken on full zoom and I still couldn't get a clear picture. Give me marks for trying.




Postscript:
Embee thinks the squirrels are raiding a bird feeder.

Archives:
2007: Ubuntu in Napa
2006: Celebration

Three ladies who lunched...

Over the last three years the large downtown area of Bristol (Broadmead) has been re-developed at a cost of 500 million pounds. It has now been renamed as Cabot Circus and the link will give you some interesting facts and history.

My mother was very keen to see Quakers Friars which used to be the Registry Office, both mum and I got married there the second time around. It is a listed building and it has been incorporated into the development. Although it used to be practically surrounded by a car park I do think the actual building has lost its charm surrounded as it is by modern shops and cafes. I think the square will probably look a lot better in the summer when people are eating outside. However, I am wondering do we really have the sort of weather for a cafe culture-I don't somehow think so!
The square had been decorated with some very large coloured baubles and there were reindeer sculptures dotted around.
My mother is unable to walk very far but we did manage to to go a short distance into the circus area which is partly covered.
Every so often mum had a little rest and admired the view.
Escalators, stairs or lifts take you to the upper levels but we didn't venture that far. There is also a covered walkway to a huge new car park, or so the taxi driver told us-we decided not to drive as mum would never have managed to walk that far.This picture shows how they have created plenty of light through the roof.
One of the first places we had to find was the ladies rest room, I thought it was worth a photo. The disabled toilet was out of order which didn't impress me, and although my mother managed, anyone needing assistance would have found it difficult.
Beccy and her Granny just before we went for lunch at Harvey Nichols.
The restaurant is on the second floor and some of the tables overlook the square. This was Beccy's birthday treat to her granny, who thoroughly enjoyed it.
I only took a couple of photos as my camera is not good enough to do the food justice.
Beccy and I ordered organic chicken breast with truffle butter and cos. Mum ordered roast rump of lamb, beetroot and root vegetables. Anyone who is a foodie will say the lamb is over cooked it should be pink but my mother wanted it well done!

To go with this we had roast potatoes (small new in skin) with red onions, purple sprouting broccoli, with sultanas and a mixed salad with a wonderful dressing. All absolutely, melt in your mouth delicious. Oh, and as we weren't driving we had a glass of wine.
Beccy and I had no room for anything else but mum managed home made raspberry ice cream (you could see pieces of raspberry in it) and a coffee. Afterwards mum declared it was the best meal she had ever had-so much for my cooking!
We wished that Sam had been with us, but maybe next time she visits as we all agreed we would like to repeat the experience.

Archives:
2007: Witty Wednesday-29
2006: Anxiety