Wednesday, December 12, 2007

Witty Wednesday # 29


This joke was sent to me from my friend Barbara from New Zealand.

A man wakes up in the hospital, bandaged from head to foot.
The doctor comes in and says, "Ah, I see you've regained consciousness.
Now, you probably won't remember, but you were in a pile-up on the freeway. You're going to be okay, you'll walk again and everything, but..... Something happened. I'm trying to break this gently, but the
Fact is, your willy was chopped off in the wreck, and we were unable to find it."
The man groans, but the doctor goes on, "You've got $9000 in insurance compensation coming to you, and we have the technology now to build you a new willy that will work as well as your old one did - better in fact! But the thing is, it doesn't come cheap. It's $1000 an inch."
The man perks up at this.
"So," the doctor says, "it's for you to decide how many inches you want. But it's something you'd better discuss with your wife. I mean, if you had a five inch one before, and you decide to go for a nine incher, she might be a bit put out. But if you h ad a nine inch one before, and you decide only to invest in a five incher this time, she might be disappointed. So it's important that she plays a role in helping you
Make the decision."
The man agrees to talk with his wife. The doctor comes back the next day.
"So," says the doctor, "have you spoken with your wife?"
"I have," says the man.
"And has she helped you in making the decision?"
"She has," says the man.
"And what is it?" asks the doctor.
"We're getting a new kitchen."
******************************************************
The Computer (from Embee)

A SPANISH Teacher was explaining to her class that in Spanish, unlike
English, nouns are designated as either masculine or feminine.

'House' for instance, is feminine: 'la casa.'

'Pencil,' however, is masculine: 'el lapiz.'

A student asked, 'What gender is 'computer'?'

Instead of giving the answer, the teacher split the class into two groups,
male and female, and asked them to decide for themselves whether 'computer'
should be a masculine or a feminine noun.

Each group was asked to give four reasons for its recommendation.


The men's group decided that 'computer' should definitely be of the
feminine gender ('la computadora'), because:

1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic

2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else

3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long term memory for
possible later retrieval; and

4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending
half your paycheck on accessories for it.

(THIS GETS BETTER!)

The women's group, however, concluded that computers should be
Masculine
('el computador'), because:

1. In order to do anything with them, you have to turn them on

2. They have a lot of data but still can't think for themselves

3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they
ARE the problem; and

4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you had waited a
little longer, you could have gotten a better model!

The women won
.

Enjoy your day.

Archives:
December 12th 2006: Anxiety

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18 Comments:

At 12/12/07 08:47, Blogger Willowtree said...

Speaking of Language....

A linguistics professor was lecturing to his English class one day.

"In English," he said, "A double negative forms a positive. In some languages, though, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative. However, there is no language wherein a double positive can form a negative."

A voice from the back of the room piped up, "Yeah, right."

 
At 12/12/07 08:59, Blogger Steffi said...

That´s a funny post!
Enjoy your day too!Greetings to Beccy!

 
At 12/12/07 14:18, Blogger Sandy said...

Thanks for the smiles to start my day...you know that lady was over 50, don't you? or at least her husbad was...lol.

 
At 12/12/07 14:28, Anonymous nikki said...

We're getting a new kitchen.

HA!!!!

nikki

 
At 12/12/07 14:37, Blogger Alix said...

They were good as always! I love the computer one.

 
At 12/12/07 14:53, Blogger thefoodsnob said...

Great, as always.
Thank you!


Lisa

 
At 12/12/07 15:36, Blogger Misty said...

A new kitchen... thats my favorite, i love it!

 
At 12/12/07 15:39, Blogger Robocop said...

That first joke was tragically funny.**LOL**

 
At 12/12/07 15:58, Anonymous Karmyn R said...

A new kitchen. ha ha ha ha

and WT's comment - brilliant.


Dreaming What Ifs...

 
At 12/12/07 16:47, Blogger Rachel said...

Love them!! Especially the first one!! "We're getting a new kitchen"! Bwaaaaahahahahahahahaha!

 
At 12/12/07 19:28, Blogger lisa's chaos said...

Those are too funny. I'm sure my husband would side with a new kitchen too. ;) He loves to cook. Ok maybe half kitchen and half willy.

I can see why male computer was the winner.

 
At 12/12/07 19:44, Blogger ChrisB said...

WT very good and I bet you didn't even have to think about it!

I see the new kitchen is very popular he he he!

 
At 12/12/07 23:14, Blogger Kahless said...

lol!
and willowtree's too.

 
At 13/12/07 01:46, Blogger frannie said...

love the "willy" one-- but I love even more that you called it a "willy"

 
At 13/12/07 16:12, Blogger john.g. said...

Nice!!

 
At 13/12/07 20:04, Anonymous enidd said...

tee hee. love willowtree's too.

 
At 14/12/07 02:58, Blogger Pamela said...

jokes were hilarious...including willowtrees.

 
At 17/12/07 09:51, OpenID Misslionheart♥ said...

I posted a funny today....

Have a great week!

http://tootsie.wordpress.com/

 

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