Wednesday, December 05, 2007

Witty Wednesday # 28

Hearing test

A man feared his wife was not hearing as well as she used to, and he thought she might need a hearing aid.

Not quite sure how to approach her, he called the family doctor to discuss the problem. The doctor told him there is a simple informal test the husband could perform to give the doctor a better idea about her hearing loss.

Here's what you do," said the doctor. "Stand about 40 feet away from her and in a normal conversational speaking tone see if she hears you.
If not, go to 30 feet, then 20 feet, and so on until you get a response."

That evening, the wife is in the kitchen cooking dinner, and he was in the den. He says to himself, "I'm about 40 feet away. Let's see what happens."
In a normal tone he asks, "Honey, what's for dinner?" No response. So the husband moves to closer to the kitchen, about 30 feet from his wife, and repeats, "Honey, what's for dinner?" Still no response.

Next he moves into the dining room where he is about 20 feet from his wife and asks, "Honey, what's for dinner?" Again, no response.
So, he walks up to the kitchen door, about 10 feet away. "Honey, what's for dinner?" Again, there is no response.

So he walks right up behind her. "Honey, what's for dinner?"

I Just love this.............

"Trevor, for the 5th f*cking time, CHICKEN!"
Can't Beat Old Women

A farmer stopped by the local mechanic shop to have his truck fixed.
They couldn't do it while he waited, so he said he didn't live far
and would just walk home.

On the way home he stopped at the hardware store and bought
a bucket and a gallon of paint. He then stopped by the feed store
and picked up a couple of chickens and a goose.
However, struggling outside the store he now had a problem -
how to carry his entire purchases home.

While he was scratching his head he was approached by a little old lady who told him she was lost. She asked, "Can you tell me how to get to 1603 Mockingbird Lane?"

The farmer said, "Well, as a matter of fact, my farm is very close to that
house. I would walk you there but I can't carry this lot."

The old lady suggested, "Why don't you put the can of paint in the
bucket. Carry the bucket in one hand, put a chicken under each arm
and carry the goose in your other hand?"

"Why thank you very much," he said and proceeded to walk the old girl

On the way he says "Let's take my short cut and go down this alley.
We'll be there in no time."

The little old lady looked him over cautiously then said, I am a lonely
widow without a husband to defend me. How do I know that when we get in the alley you won't hold me up against the wall, pull up my skirt, and have your way with me?

The farmer said, "Holy smokes lady! I'm carrying a bucket, a gallon of
paint two chickens, and a goose. How in the world could I possibly hold you up against the wall and do that?"

The old lady replied, "Set the goose down, cover him with the bucket,
put the paint on top of the bucket, and I'll hold the chickens..."

I hope I made you smile have a great day :)

December 5th 2006: Riviera Del Sol

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At 5/12/07 11:07, Blogger Michael said...

Those are two of your best yet, the mine loves them. Love

At 5/12/07 13:49, Blogger lisa's chaos said...

Those both cracked me up but the first one had me rolling, I had to share it with my parents, it sounded like them. :)

At 5/12/07 14:20, Blogger katy said...

very fuuny thats got to be a 10 out of 10

At 5/12/07 14:42, Blogger Alix said...

They were both brilliant.

At 5/12/07 14:42, Blogger la bellina mammina said...

LOL! Too funny Chris :-)

At 5/12/07 18:57, Anonymous nikki said...

Hilarious! Thank you for my Wednesday giggle.


At 5/12/07 21:10, Blogger john.g. said...

12 Out of 10.....and without my help!!

At 5/12/07 21:50, Blogger ChrisB said...

embee you are obviously having trouble with the new blogger comments. I didn't realise it was you at first!

Hi everyone glad you thought they were good this week.

At 5/12/07 22:48, Anonymous Anonymous said...

First one is just *so* funny! LOL

Mine's up. It's been a very busy day, so posted late....

At 6/12/07 02:44, Blogger Anvilcloud said...

Yes, it worked. I smiled. I even chuckled out loud. I wonder if anybody heard me?

At 6/12/07 14:49, Blogger thefoodsnob said...

Oh, I missed these yesterday. They're great, Chris!


At 8/12/07 11:07, Blogger my4kids said...

haha too funny. I'm a little late but I enjoyed them!


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