Wednesday, December 17, 2008

Witty Wednesday # 77

Thank you Daffy for these little gems.

A Christmas Story for people having a bad day:

When four of Santa's elves got sick, the trainee elves did not produce toys as fast as the regular ones, and Santa began to feel the Pre-Christmas pressure.

Then Mrs Claus told Santa her Mother was coming to visit, which stressed Santa even more.

When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were about to give birth and two others had jumped the fence and were out, Heaven knows where.

Then when he began to load the sleigh, one of the floorboards cracked, the toy bag fell to the ground and all the toys were scattered.

Frustrated, Santa went in the house for a cup of apple cider and a shot of rum. When he went to the cupboard, he discovered the elves had drank all the cider and hidden the liquor. In his frustration, he accidentally dropped the cider jug, and it broke into hundreds of little glass pieces all over the kitchen floor. He went to get the broom and found the mice had eaten all the straw off the end of the broom.

Just then the doorbell rang, and irritated Santa marched to the door, yanked it open, and there stood a little angel with a great big Christmas tree.

The angel said very cheerfully, 'Merry Christmas, Santa. Isn't this a lovely day? I have a beautiful tree for you. Where would you like me to stick it?'

And so began the tradition of the little angel on top of the Christmas tree.....

According to the Alaska Department of Fish and Game, while both male and female reindeer grow antlers in the summer each year, male reindeer drop their antlers at the beginning of winter, usually late November to mid-December.

Female reindeer retain their antlers till after they give birth in the spring.

Therefore, according to EVERY historical rendition depicting Santa's reindeer, EVERY single one of them, from Rudolph to Blitzen, had to be a girl.

We should've known….. .

ONLY women would be able to drag a fat-ass man in a red velvet suit all around the world in one night and not get lost.


Thank you Willowtree

Lawyer Joke
On their way to a justice of the peace to get married, a couple has a fatal car accident. The couple is sitting outside heaven's gate waiting for St. Peter to admit them. While waiting, they wonder if they could possibly get married in Heaven. St. Peter finally shows up and they ask him.

St. Peter says, "I don't know, this is the first time anyone has ever asked. Let me go find out," and he leaves.

The couple sits waiting for two months and begins to wonder if they really should get married in Heaven, what with the eternal aspect of it all. "What if it doesn't work out?" they wondered. "Are we stuck together forever?"

St. Peter finally returns after yet another month, looking somewhat bedraggled. "Yes," he informs the couple. "You can get married in Heaven."

"Great," says the couple. "But what if things don't work out? Could we also get a divorce in Heaven?"

St. Peter, red-faced, slams his clipboard onto the ground.

"What's wrong?" exclaims the frightened couple.

"Come on!" St. Peter exclaims. "It took me three months to find a priest up here! Do you have any idea how long it's going to take me to find a lawyer?"

This one comes from someone who is trying to lead me astray!!!!!!!!

Scroll down and you'll see Santa's willy!











For God's sake.........Act your age........ there is no Santa

See it's quite innocent!!!!!

2007: Fun Monday-46+ Menu for Hope 4th Year
2006: Catching up

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At 17/12/08 09:29, Blogger ChrisB said...

For some reason the pictures are not working- Sorry.

At 17/12/08 10:24, Blogger Aoj and The Lurchers said...


I can see the pictures OK Chris

At 17/12/08 11:11, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Aoj - I think the cowboy should be girating but to be honest, we perhaps could do without a girating Cowboy today. :o)
Very good Chris! See, I didn't lead you too far astray.... :o)

At 17/12/08 12:42, Blogger Asha said...

Wish you and family a merry Christmas and a very happy new year, Chris. Enjoy every moment, have a great time.

I will see you next year. We are off to winter vacation on Friday! :))

At 17/12/08 16:19, Anonymous Karmyn R said...

geez, I was really hoping to see that willy. hahahahha

At 17/12/08 16:28, Blogger john.g. said...

Women not losing their way?? Come off it!!

At 17/12/08 19:26, Anonymous Grannymar said...

Good stories!

At 18/12/08 05:10, Blogger Alison said...

those are wonderful..thanks for the laugh.

At 18/12/08 06:44, Blogger Alison said...

I have tagged you for a meme!!

At 18/12/08 10:02, Blogger kitten said...

Wonderful! Thanks for the giggles!

At 19/12/08 05:26, Blogger Pamela said...

Someone sent me a photo of Santa naked... so eat your heart out. ha ha ha ha


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