Wednesday, December 31, 2008

Witty Wednesday # 78 Irish Petrol Station

When John emailed me this joke I knew I've seen it before but couldn't remember if I had included it in a WW.

Subject: Irish Petrol Station

A petrol station owner in Dublin was trying to increase his sales.

So, he put up a sign that read, 'Free Sex with Fill-Up.'

Soon Paddy pulled in, filled his tank and asked for his free sex.
The owner told him to pick a number from 1 to 10.

If he guessed correctly, he would get his free sex.

Paddy guessed 8, and the proprietor said, 'You were close. The number was 7. Sorry. No sex this time.'

A week later, Paddy, along with his friend Mick, pulled in for another
fill-up. Again he asked for his free sex.

The proprietor again gave him the same story, and asked him to guess the correct number. Paddy guessed 2 this time. The proprietor said, 'Sorry, it was 3.
You were close, but no free sex this time.'

As they were driving away, Mick said to Paddy, 'I think that game is rigged and he doesn't really give away free sex.'

Paddy replied, 'No it ain't, Mick. It's not rigged at all at all. My wife won twice last week.'


On the first day, she sadly packed her belongings into boxes, crates and suitcases.

On the second day, she had the movers come and collect her things.

On the third day, she sat down for the last time at their beautiful dining-room table, by candle-light; she put on some soft background music, and feasted on a pound of shrimp, a jar of caviar,and a bottle of spring-water.

When she'd finished, she went into each and every room and deposited a few half-eaten shrimps dipped in caviar into the hollow centre of the curtain rods.

She then cleaned up the kitchen and left.

On the fourth day, the husband came back with his new girlfriend, and at first all was bliss.

Then, slowly, the house began to smell. They tried everything; cleaning, mopping, and airing-out the place. Vents were checked for dead rodents, and carpets were steam cleaned. Air fresheners were hung everywhere. Exterminators were brought in to set off gas canisters, during which time the two had to move out for a few days, and in the end they even paid to replace the expensive wool carpeting. Nothing worked!

People stopped coming over to visit.
Repairmen refused to work in the house.
The maid quit.

Finally, they couldn't take the stench any longer, and decided they had to move, but a month later - even though they'd cut their price in half - they couldn't find a buyer for such a stinky house.

Word got out, and eventually even the local realtors refused to return their calls.

Finally, unable to wait any longer for a purchaser, they had to borrow a huge sum of money from the bank to purchase a new place.

Then the ex-wife called the man and asked how things were going. He told her the saga of the rotting house. She listened politely and said that she missed her old home terribly and would be willing to reduce her divorce settlement in exchange for having the house.

Knowing she could have no idea how bad the smell really was, he agreed on a price that was only 1/10 th of what the house had been worth ... but only if she would sign the papers that very day.

She agreed, and within two hours his lawyers delivered the completed paperwork.

A week later the man and his girlfriend stood smiling as they watched the moving company pack everything to take to their new home ....

...... and to spite the ex-wife, they even took the the curtain rods!


Hope you had a giggle on this, the last day of the year-I'll see you in 2009.

2007: Fun Monday-47
2006: Happy New Year

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At 31/12/08 14:06, Anonymous slimmeroftheyea said...

do you seriously find Irish jokes funny?

At 31/12/08 14:45, Blogger Mal's Team Gherkin said...

It's not the irish jokes we find funny... tis the Irish! [kidding] :P

Gotta luv the curtain rod one! ;)

At 31/12/08 15:04, Anonymous slimmeroftheyea said...

Well you know what they say....the reason why the "Irish" jokes are so stupid is so that the English can understand them! I really thought things had moved on from Bernard Manning.

At 31/12/08 15:24, Blogger ChrisB said...

slimmeroftheyear there was no intention on my part to be offensive and I have strong Irish connections.

I can equally laugh at jokes against the English, blondes and the elderly (which is effectively myself).

I guess the time has come to close down my Witty Wednesday slot if I'm offending readers. I wish you would identify yourself properly so I know to whom I am speaking!

At 31/12/08 15:25, Blogger MarmiteToasty said...

HAPPY NEW YEAR DEAR YOU...... fanks for the smiles and laffs and tears, may this coming year bring you love, peace, hope, good health, new friends and most important of all LAUGHTER....

be safe..... see you next year :)


At 31/12/08 15:26, Blogger MarmiteToasty said...

ps........ I find irish jokes HILARIOUS lmfao........


At 31/12/08 15:54, Blogger Mal's Team Gherkin said...

hey slimmer... as you don't have anywhere the rest of us who enjoy harmless 'Irish' jokes (that are, indeed in fact 'globally universally applicable') can leave comments about your fun, lighthearted enjoyable blogging material, I'd say it's a case of shut-up or put up. We love Ms Cellania, and don't like her being picked-on for no good reason!!!

I'm an Aussie, i've got Irish ancestors in a major way... one thing my Irish blood touaght me was to take a joyish delight in being able to "take the piss" about ourselves - because we're confident of who were are as people.

Happy New Year to you too.

[[[hugs Ms Cellania]]]

At 31/12/08 16:21, Anonymous Kila said...

ChrisB, you aren't offending anyone, some folks just like to pick a fight. Most of us simply enjoy your posts.

At 31/12/08 18:07, Blogger john.g. said...

Chris, tell 'slimmeroftheyea'(who cant even spell to p*ss off! If she/he/it doesn't like it, TOUGH! And if you stop Witty Wednesday.................!!!!

At 31/12/08 18:42, Anonymous slimmeroftheyea said...

Chris B - please don't worry - I am not at all offended - was just a bit surprised. Please do not close down anything or alter anything on my account.

Mals team gherkin - I appreciate your comments but would just like to say that I am very capable of laughing at myself (or anybody else) and in fact am renowned for my sense of humour.

John G - don't worry I will certainly follow your advice, especially as it was given so pleasantly.

Happy New Year.


At 31/12/08 18:58, Blogger Beckie said...

I LOVE WW! It's the only place I hear a good joke!

I thought they were both hilarious.

Hugs to you.

AND Happy New Year!

At 31/12/08 20:12, Blogger WT said...

I don't get it....

At 31/12/08 23:47, Anonymous ~sWaMpY~ said...

DUB-YA-T: You are hilarious. Not only do Irish jokes, English jokes, blonde jokes, Oklahoma University jokes, etc. make me laugh...but you do, too !

Chris B: Don't you dare shut down WW. I LOVE the curtain rod one...and we LOVE you !

At 4/1/09 04:51, Blogger Pamela said...

I'd heard a bit of that joke about the fish in the curtain rods-- but never the punch line.
tooooooo funny.

My dad and mom always said we were of Irish descent. However, after they passed on I started looking into our family tree. Yes, there was a bit of Ireland there -- but not any more than anything else.

so, I guess that was the funniest Irish joke -- I mean the part about me thinking I was and I'm not.



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