Witty Wednesday # 121 Maxine Cartoons

A few more Maxine cartoons from Daffy

Ha ha I can relate to these!!!!!

Archives:
2007: Evening to Remember
2007: Silent Sunday
2007: None

Witty Wednesday # 118

I borrowed this one from my plurking friend MysticFirefly

(click to enlarge)

Not really feeling jovial today, having attended the funeral of an ex-colleague and friend.

Archives:
2008: None
2007: Introduction to Yield Wine Bar
2006: How I got my dose of exercise

Witty Wednesday # 116

I cannot remember who I borrowed this one from so my apologies for not giving you a mention. It could be one of three people and I don't want to get it wrong. If you let me know I'll add a PS.

I thought it was rather funny!
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Borrowed from Merle

"When to start cussing."

A 6 year old and a 4 year old are upstairs in their bedroom. The 6 year old asks, "You know what? I think it's about time we started cussing."
The 4 year old nods his head in approval. The 6 year old continues, "When we go downstairs for breakfast, I'm gonna say something with 'hell' and you say something with 'a*s'. The 4 year old agrees with enthusiasm.

When the mother walks into the kitchen and asks the 6 year old what he wants for breakfast. he replies, "Aw hell Mom, I guess I'll have some Cheerios."

WHACK ! He flies out of his chair, tumbles across the kitchen floor gets up and runs upstairs crying his eyes out with his mother in hot pursuit, slapping his rear end with every step. She locks him in his room and shouts, "You can stay there until I let you out."

She then comes back downstairs, looks at the 4 year old and asks with a stern voice, "And what do YOU want for breakfast, young man?"

"I don't know," he blubbers, "but you can bet your fat a*s it won't be Cheerios."
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'Blonde'

A blonde gets home from shopping and hears strange noises coming
from the bedroom. She rushes upstairs only to find her husband
naked lying on the bed, sweating and panting.

"What's up?" she asks. "I think I am having a heart attack." cries
the husband.

The blonde rushes downstairs to grab the phone, but just as she is
dialling, her four year old son comes up and says, "Mommy, Mommy,
Auntie Shirley is hiding in your wardrobe and she's got no clothes on."

The blonde slams the phone down and storms back upstairs into the
bedroom, right past her husband, rips open the wardrobe door and
sure enough, there is her sister, totally naked and cowering on the floor.

"You rotten Bitch," she screams. "My husband's having a heart attack,
and you're running around naked playing hide and seek with the kids."
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Archives:
2008: Corfu-Kerkyra-2 New Fortress
2007: Pussycat pussycat where have you been
2006: Well I never knew that

Witty Wednesday # 109 Quotes and John's cartoon

Firstly I want to show you what's been keeping John occupied during the past week.

.......and a few amusing quotes sent to me by my friend Daffy

Sometimes, when I look at my children, I say to myself, 'Lillian, you should have remained a virgin.'

- Lillian Carter (mother of Jimmy Carter)

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I had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I was not pleased to read the description in the catalogue: - 'No good in a bed, but fine against a wall.'

- Eleanor Roosevelt

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Last week, I stated this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen. I have since been visited by her sister, and now wish to withdraw that statement.

- Mark Twain

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The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending; and to have the two as close together as possible.

- George Burns

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Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year.

- Victor Borge

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Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.

- Mark Twain

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By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.

- Socrates

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I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.

- Groucho Marx

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My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe.

- Jimmy Durante

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I have never hated a man enough to give his diamonds back.

- Zsa Zsa Gabor

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Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar and fat.

- Alex Levine

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My luck is so bad that if I bought a cemetery, people would stop dying.

- Rodney Dangerfield

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Money can't buy you happiness ... But it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery.

- Spike Milligan

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Until I was thirteen, I thought my name was SHUT UP .

- Joe Namath

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I don't feel old. I don't feel anything until noon. Then it's time for my nap.

- Bob Hope

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I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it

- W. C. Fields

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We could certainly slow the aging process down if it had to work its way through Congress.

- Will Rogers

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Don't worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older, it will avoid you.

- Winston Churchill

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Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty .. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out.

- Phyllis Diller

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By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he's too old to go anywhere.

- Billy Crystal

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And the cardiologist's diet: - If it tastes good spit it out

I've seen these before (might even have used some of them) but still find them amusing.

I thought I was going to have a quiet day by myself as my mother has gone out with her friend. Not to be, because himself is home with what I now suspect might just be more than a cold. I hesitate to say the dreaded words 'swine flu' but he's got back ache and some joint pain.....and now he tells me a guy at work has someone in the family with it!
He is banished to bed and I've been around with the antibacterial wipes. LOL....this will give me an opportunity to use my new digital thermometer!

Have a good day everyone.

Archives:
2008: This and That!
2007: John's Challenge

Witty Wednesday # 68

Below is a picture of a badge that one of the daughters gave EmBee years ago. I noticed it pinned on his study wall and took a photo as it's quite amusing
The one below is also on display.

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Now some may not find this to your taste so you might not want to read on...it came from my friend Daffy and it made me laugh!



One day superman was feeling a bit horny so he asked some of his comic friends where he could 'get a bit of action' 'Hey Batman who's good in the sack'
'Well Superman, everyone knows that Wonder Woman is the best sex in comicland.
Why don't you try her?' replied Batman
'I'd love to, but Wonder Woman and I are friends.
So I don't really want to take advantage of her.'
'Damn shame.' said Batman as he waved goodbye to Superman and drove off. Ten minutes later he was flying over the city when he saw the Green Lantern.
'Hey Hal, I'm looking for a little action. You're a swinging bachelor, who's the best babe in comicland?'
'Hey, Superman! Everyone knows that Wonder Woman is far and away the best lay in comicland, why don't you try her?' 'Well were sorta friends,' Superman says 'but I didn't realise she'd been about so much' and he flew off in total frustration
Twenty minutes later Superman was flying over a field when he saw Wonder Woman lying naked, in the middle of the field, with her legs apart. Superman was tempted. He thought to himself, 'I'm faster than a speeding bullet, I can be in and out of there before she even knows I'm here.'
So with a blur and a sonic boom he was down, in and out and gone. Wonder Woman stared up into the sky with a dazed ___expression on her face 'What the hell was that??' she exclaimed.
'Beggered if I know,' said the Invisible Man as he rolled off, 'but my ass is killing me.'

I think I'll bow out now!

Archives:
2007: Fun Monday 37