Witty Wednesday # 109 Quotes and John's cartoon

Firstly I want to show you what's been keeping John occupied during the past week.

.......and a few amusing quotes sent to me by my friend Daffy

Sometimes, when I look at my children, I say to myself, 'Lillian, you should have remained a virgin.'

- Lillian Carter (mother of Jimmy Carter)

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I had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I was not pleased to read the description in the catalogue: - 'No good in a bed, but fine against a wall.'

- Eleanor Roosevelt

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Last week, I stated this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen. I have since been visited by her sister, and now wish to withdraw that statement.

- Mark Twain

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The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending; and to have the two as close together as possible.

- George Burns

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Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year.

- Victor Borge

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Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.

- Mark Twain

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By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.

- Socrates

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I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.

- Groucho Marx

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My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe.

- Jimmy Durante

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I have never hated a man enough to give his diamonds back.

- Zsa Zsa Gabor

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Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar and fat.

- Alex Levine

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My luck is so bad that if I bought a cemetery, people would stop dying.

- Rodney Dangerfield

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Money can't buy you happiness ... But it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery.

- Spike Milligan

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Until I was thirteen, I thought my name was SHUT UP .

- Joe Namath

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I don't feel old. I don't feel anything until noon. Then it's time for my nap.

- Bob Hope

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I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it

- W. C. Fields

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We could certainly slow the aging process down if it had to work its way through Congress.

- Will Rogers

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Don't worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older, it will avoid you.

- Winston Churchill

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Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty .. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out.

- Phyllis Diller

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By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he's too old to go anywhere.

- Billy Crystal

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And the cardiologist's diet: - If it tastes good spit it out

I've seen these before (might even have used some of them) but still find them amusing.

I thought I was going to have a quiet day by myself as my mother has gone out with her friend. Not to be, because himself is home with what I now suspect might just be more than a cold. I hesitate to say the dreaded words 'swine flu' but he's got back ache and some joint pain.....and now he tells me a guy at work has someone in the family with it!
He is banished to bed and I've been around with the antibacterial wipes. LOL....this will give me an opportunity to use my new digital thermometer!

Have a good day everyone.

Archives:
2008: This and That!
2007: John's Challenge

Fun Monday # 60 Inspirational Quotes

Robin is our lovely hostess this week and she wants us to share.........

Quotable quotes and words that inspire.

'she says..............please share words that inspire and motivate you--brief or bloviatory, silly or serious, from great world leaders to last night's Comedy Central...from a Hallmark greeting card to your favorite book. Choose one, choose many; let the quotes stand on their own or tell where you first read or heard them and how they affected you'.

So here are a few:

It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune must be in want of a wife. - Jane Austen

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Every man who is high up loves to think that he has done it all himself, and the wife smiles, and lets it go at that. - James M. Barrie

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Freedom is not worth having if it does not include the freedom to make mistakes. -Gandhi

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The following interview has stuck with me since I read it. I have posted it before and I make no apologies for using it again as, in my opinion, this lady is truly inspirational.

Maya Angelou was interviewed by Oprah on her 70+ birthday.

Oprah asked her what she thought of growing older.

And, there on television, she said it was 'exciting.' Regarding body changes, she said there were many, occurring every day...like her breasts.

They seem to be in a race to see which will reach her waist, first.

The audience laughed so hard they cried. She is such a simple and honest woman, with so much wisdom in her words!

Maya Angelou said this:

'I've learned that no matter what happens, or how bad it seems today, life does go on, and it will be better tomorrow.'

'I've learned that you can tell a lot about a person by the way he/she handles these three things: a rainy day, lost luggage, and tangled Christmas tree lights.'

'I've learned that regardless of your relationship with your parents, you'll miss them when they're gone from your life.'

'I've learned that making a 'living' is not the same thing as 'making a life.'

'I've learned that life sometimes gives you a second chance.'

'I've learned that you shouldn't go through life with a catcher's mitt on both hands; you need to be able to throw some things back.'

'I've learned that whenever I decide something with an open heart, I usually make the right decision.'

'I've learned that even when I have pains, I don't have to be one.'

'I've learned that every day you should reach out and touch someone.

People love a warm hug, or just a friendly pat on the back.'

'I've learned that I still have a lot to learn.'

'I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.'

The ache for home lives in all of us, the safe place where we can go as we are and not be questioned.

When I was originally sent this I did some research and realised that she is a great lady~ what do you think!

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I'm looking forward to reading all your quotes and seeing who inspires you. You will see from my side bar that we have hosts for the next three Mondays.

Archives:
2007: I'm barely half normal

Here's to the Girls

I have just been tidying up my email inbox and I came across this message from a friend sent to me back in January. As I read it again I thought of my fellow bloggers (sorry chaps but it could equally apply with a little adapting). As we share much of our lives through our musings I'm sharing this with all of you :

I am only as strong as the caffeine I drink, the hair serum I use and the girlfriends I have.

Here's to you!

Why do we only have parties for each other when one of us gets married, pregnant, has a birthday, or retires?

What would most of us do without our sisters, confidants, and shopping, lunching and travelling girlfriends?

Let's celebrate each other for each other's sake!

Someone will always be prettier.
Someone will always be smarter.
Their house will be bigger.
They will drive a better car.
Their children will do better in school.
And their husband will fix more things around the house.
So let it go, Be Happy!
And love yourself and your circumstances.

Think about it.
The prettiest woman in the world can have trouble in her heart.
And the most highly favoured woman on your job may be unable to have children.
And the richest woman you know, she's got the car, the house, the clothes....might be lonely.
And the word says if "I have not Love, I have nothing."

So, again, love you.
Love who you are.
Look in the mirror in the morning and smile and say "I am too blessed to be stressed and too anointed to be disappointed!"

"Winners make things happen. Losers let things happen"
Be Blessed ladies and pass this on to encourage another woman.
"To the world you might be one person,
But to one person you just might be the world".

SEND THIS TO YOUR FAVORITE WOMEN - I JUST DID

HERE'S TO YOU MY FRIENDS!

Happy IVGLDSW Day

Did you know it is:

International Very Good Looking, Darn Smart Woman's Day,
I have just got an email from a friend suggesting I send this to 'five bright women (or their mates) and make their day' it gave me a laugh and I thought now I can do better than an email so......

To the Girls (and any blokes who may be reading) !!!

Inside every older person is a younger person -- wondering what in the world happened. -Cora Harvey Armstrong-

Inside me lives a skinny woman crying to get out. But I can usually shut her up with cookies. (Unknown)

The hardest years in life are those between ten and seventy. -Helen Hayes (at 73)-

I refuse to think of them as chin hairs. I think of them as stray eyebrows. -Janette Barber-

My second favorite household chore is ironing. My first one being -- hitting my head on the top bunk bed until I faint. -Erma Bombeck-

Old age ain't no place for sissies. -Bette Davis-

Every time I close the door on reality, it comes in through the windows. -Jennifer Unlimited-

Thirty-five is when you finally get your head together and your body starts falling apart. -Caryn Leschen-

If you can't be a good example -- then you'll just have to be a horrible warning. -Catherine Aird-

I'm not going to vacuum 'til Sears makes one you can ride on. -Roseanne Barr-

Behind every successful man is a surprised woman. -Maryon Pearson-

Nobody can make you feel inferior without your permission. -Eleanor Roosevelt-


And remember this motto to live by: Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand, cheesecake (I might just substitute the cheesecake for champagne) in the other, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO HOO what a ride!" Have a wonderful day!

Well, I never knew that !!!! and Great Quotes to live by

I was tidying up my emails and decided that I would share these. Read in rotation:






























































What about these quotes:


I hope you had a chuckle.