Witty Wednesday # 99

Now if you think this Pam Ayres Poem sent to me by Daffy will offend you turn away now.......


Oh, I Wish I'd Looked After Me Tits
By Pam Ayres


Oh, I wish I'd looked after me dear old knockers,

Not flashed them to boys behind the school lockers,

Or let them get fondled by randy old dockers,

Oh, I wish I'd looked after me tits.

'Cos now I'm much older and gravity's winning.

It's Nature's revenge for all that sinning,

And those dirty memories are rapidly dimming,

Oh, I wish I'd looked after me tits.

'Cos tits can be such troublesome things

When they no longer bounce, but dangle and swing.

And although they go well with my Bingo wings,

I wish I'd looked after me tits....

When they're both long enough to tie up in a bow,

When it's not the sweet chariot that swings low,

When they're less of a friend and more of a foe,

Then I wish I'd looked after me tits.

When I was young I got whistles and hoots,

From the men on the site to the men in the suits,

Now me nipples get stuck in the zips on me boots,

Oh, I wish I'd looked after me tits.

When I was younger I rode bikes and scooters,

Cruising around with my favourite suitors.

Now the wheels get entangled with my dangling hooters,

I wish I'd looked after me tits....

When they follow behind and get trapped in the door,

When they're less in the air and more near the floor,

When people see less of them rather than more,

Oh, I wish I'd looked after me tits.
*************************
Also from Daffy

COMPETITIVE SALARY
Most of our competitors don't pay much either.

"JOIN OUR FAST-PACED COMPANY"
We have no time to train you.

"CASUAL WORK ATMOSPHERE"
You'll be here very late, very often -- might as well be comfortable.

"MUST BE DEADLINE-ORIENTED"
Your first four projects are already way overdue.

"SOME OVERTIME REQUIRED"
Did we mention that you'll be here very late, very often? And most weekends.

"DUTIES WILL VARY"
Anyone in the office can boss you around.

"MUST HAVE AN EYE FOR DETAIL"
We have no quality control.

"CAREER-MINDED"
Female applicants must be childless.

"APPLY IN PERSON"
If you're old, fat or ugly, that position has already been filled.

"NO PHONE CALLS PLEASE"
This job listing is just a legal formality. The position was filled by some executive's nephew.

"SEEKING CANDIDATES WITH A WIDE VARIETY OF EXPERIENCE"
Due to consolidation, you'll be replacing three people.

"PROBLEM-SOLVING SKILLS A MUST"
This company is a total mess.

"REQUIRES TEAM LEADERSHIP SKILLS"
You'll have all the responsibilities of upper management, without the pay, title or respect.

"GOOD COMMUNICATION SKILLS"
Listen to management, figure out what they want, don't ask too many questions and get the sh*t done.

All for today folks have a good day.

Archives:
2008: Letter to inconsiderate motorist
2007: Leisurely Sunday

Fun Monday # 80 Trivia

The lovely ladies over at mama drama have set us today's assignment they are wanting to find out.....

'What funny trivial fact do you remember that you probably should have forgotten a long time ago?'

Well here in the UK you can substitute James Garfield for any number of Kings and Queens, knights, Prime Ministers all with funny little stories such as...

King Alfred who burnt the cakes (probably bread if it happened at all)

St George (patron saint of England) who slew the dragon

Sir Francis Drake -was playing bowls on Plymouth Hoe when told that the Spanish Armada had arrived. He apparently declared that there was time to finish the match and then to defeat the Spanish; he lost the game, but won the battle.(myth probably)

Sir Walter Raleigh is supposed to have laid his clock at the feet of Queen Elizabeth to stop her walking in a muddy puddle. He is also said to be responsible for introducing tobacco and the potato to England (again myths).

So my head if full of this sort of useless trivia picked up from school.....
.....however one thing that does stick in my head is that when I was in junior school we had to learn poems and this is one that really appealed to me not that I could get my head around a lot of the words when I was about 10 years old. Now, I only ever remember bits of the last verse:

Cargoes

QUINQUIREME of Nineveh from distant Ophir,
Rowing home to haven in sunny Palestine,
With a cargo of ivory,
And apes and peacocks,
Sandalwood, cedarwood, and sweet white wine.

Stately Spanish galleon coming from the Isthmus,
Dipping through the Tropics by the palm-green shores,
With a cargo of diamonds,
Emeralds, amythysts,
Topazes, and cinnamon, and gold moidores.

Dirty British coaster with a salt-caked smoke stack,
Butting through the Channel in the mad March days,
With a cargo of Tyne coal,
Road-rails, pig-lead,
Firewood, iron-ware, and cheap tin trays.

by John Masefield

I'm looking forward to extending my education this week so will see you all later!

Archives:
2007: Pay it Forward

Fun Monday # 18 Ode to Computers

Nikki is hosting this week.

Anyone who read my post written earlier today will know that I wasn't going to enter this week. I've been struggling with my idea but now I've given in and decided to publish this......

Ode to Computers

There was an old woman whose blogging
Caused hubby to blame her for hogging
Instead of a fight
To help put things right
She bought a second computer to login!!!!!!

and here is the proof!!!!


I'd rather be sick than miss out because I've read some really good poems today!!!!