Wednesday, June 10, 2009

Witty Wednesday # 99


Now if you think this Pam Ayres Poem sent to me by Daffy will offend you turn away now.......


Oh, I Wish I'd Looked After Me Tits
By Pam Ayres


Oh, I wish I'd looked after me dear old knockers,

Not flashed them to boys behind the school lockers,

Or let them get fondled by randy old dockers,

Oh, I wish I'd looked after me tits.

'Cos now I'm much older and gravity's winning.

It's Nature's revenge for all that sinning,

And those dirty memories are rapidly dimming,

Oh, I wish I'd looked after me tits.

'Cos tits can be such troublesome things

When they no longer bounce, but dangle and swing.

And although they go well with my Bingo wings,

I wish I'd looked after me tits....

When they're both long enough to tie up in a bow,

When it's not the sweet chariot that swings low,

When they're less of a friend and more of a foe,

Then I wish I'd looked after me tits.

When I was young I got whistles and hoots,

From the men on the site to the men in the suits,

Now me nipples get stuck in the zips on me boots,

Oh, I wish I'd looked after me tits.

When I was younger I rode bikes and scooters,

Cruising around with my favourite suitors.

Now the wheels get entangled with my dangling hooters,

I wish I'd looked after me tits....

When they follow behind and get trapped in the door,

When they're less in the air and more near the floor,

When people see less of them rather than more,

Oh, I wish I'd looked after me tits.
*************************
Also from Daffy

COMPETITIVE SALARY
Most of our competitors don't pay much either.

"JOIN OUR FAST-PACED COMPANY"

We have no time to train you.

"CASUAL WORK ATMOSPHERE"
You'll be here very late, very often -- might as well be comfortable.

"MUST BE DEADLINE-ORIENTED"
Your first four projects are already way overdue.

"SOME OVERTIME REQUIRED"
Did we mention that you'll be here very late, very often? And most weekends.

"DUTIES WILL VARY"
Anyone in the office can boss you around.

"MUST HAVE AN EYE FOR DETAIL"
We have no quality control.

"CAREER-MINDED"
Female applicants must be childless.

"APPLY IN PERSON"

If you're old, fat or ugly, that position has already been filled.

"NO PHONE CALLS PLEASE"
This job listing is just a legal formality. The position was filled by some executive's nephew.

"SEEKING CANDIDATES WITH A WIDE VARIETY OF EXPERIENCE"

Due to consolidation, you'll be replacing three people.

"PROBLEM-SOLVING SKILLS A MUST"

This company is a total mess.

"REQUIRES TEAM LEADERSHIP SKILLS"
You'll have all the responsibilities of upper management, without the pay, title or respect.

"GOOD COMMUNICATION SKILLS"

Listen to management, figure out what they want, don't ask too many questions and get the sh*t done.

All for today folks have a good day.


Archives:
2008: Letter to inconsiderate motorist
2007: Leisurely Sunday

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11 Comments:

At 10/6/09 09:38, Anonymous Grannymar said...

Good things come to those who wait....

After all these years I finally discovered the benefit of small boobs - they will never reach my knees! lol

 
At 10/6/09 09:59, Blogger ChrisB said...

grannymar you are so funny. BTW I loved your Weds hints.

 
At 10/6/09 10:58, Anonymous daffy said...

Still made me laugh!;o)
hehe
Did you get the package? ;o)

 
At 10/6/09 12:35, Blogger Asha said...

Good Wednesday to you. Looks like you had wonderful trip to China, so clean and beautiful in pics. Saw them today.

Bangalore was little tough for me to take but enjoyed meeting friends and family in India. It has become a concrete jungle, it was a beautiful city once. Sad but that's the price we pay for "progress" I guess.

Have a wonderful Summer, see you in Fall. I am still recovering from exhaustion, it was long and strenuous flight.

 
At 10/6/09 14:40, Blogger karisma said...

OMG Pammy poems, would you believe I kind of grew up with her poems. My dad was a fan and we had a book lying around the house. I just remember, knit one purl one! Must look that up and read it again. LOL! It sounds just as funny at this age as it did when I was 10. (Having said that, Im easily amused!)

 
At 10/6/09 17:04, Blogger Amrita said...

That poem can be my theme song too. LOL

 
At 10/6/09 19:30, Blogger ChrisB said...

Asha, thanks for dropping in see you in Sept.

Karisma I remember when she had a regular TV slot, but her humour is less appreciated these days.

Amrita for many of us feel that way :)

 
At 11/6/09 17:23, Blogger john.g. said...

Thankfully no photos were involved during the making of this post! LMAO!

 
At 11/6/09 20:00, Blogger ChrisB said...

John I was going to ask you to pose LOL.

 
At 12/6/09 18:25, Blogger Srivalli said...

ahahah..ver nice!

 
At 13/6/09 07:50, Blogger Pamela said...

I can so relate to many of those.

 

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