Friday, June 05, 2009

Friday Feelings

Why is it whenever I'm not around for a day (see yesterday's post) my mother stores up a load of little things for me to sort out. As soon as she sees me every morning she unloads everything that has been on her mind and of course she didn't see me at all yesterday so it seemed almost like a child demanding attention today.

It's taken me all morning, looking up things on the internet, finding addresses that I keep giving her and which she then promptly loses, posting letters and lots of other small things.

She tells me that she struggled to the local shop yesterday -goodness knows what she wanted, as I've done shopping for her every day this week, and she knows I only like to do a grocery shop once a week. She clearly used the opportunity of me being out of the way to go and spend some money at the small local Tesco (in sight of our house so it's not far but still really too far for her to walk comfortably). She says it exhausted her and she is suffering today, but that aside I'm sure it did her good.

When Kelly (one of her great-grandaughters) visited on Wednesday, they had apparently been talking about clothes. Since then my mother has been going on and on about being taken to the new 'shopping mall' near where Kelly lives as all the shops she needs are there. I was totally puzzled because as far as I knew, the only major project in that area had been an extension to Tesco.

I emailed Kelly to check it out only to discover that my mother had got everything wrong as usual. Kelly had been talking about 'petite' sections in some of the normal high street stores, which is exactly what I had been telling my mother. For some reason she never listens to what I say but will hang onto the things other people tell her. I find this particularly frustrating especially when I'm the one who has to take her everywhere and I'm, also, the one who understands her capabilities even better than she does herself (that probably sounds conceited but it's just the truth).

I've just been reading what I've wrote this morning, before I left it to go off for my swim and I realise this sounds as though I'm having a moan. In fact I was going to delete it and start again but then I decided against this.

In many ways I know my mother is only frustrated that she can no longer do the things she wants to do and I'm the person she relies on for all her shopping needs. However, I do have to be careful because if I allowed it my whole time would be taken up just ferrying her around and I feel this is unreasonable.

I already take her to the nurse (most weeks) the doc when necessary, I get her shopping, do laundry, cleaning, fetch her pension, take her to the hairdressers and a lot of fetching and carrying around the house, this takes up a fair amount of time each week. If I need to go shopping for myself she will always say oh just get me so and so.... and then I end up concentrating on her list instead of mine.

I know she appreciates all the things I do for her but just sometimes I would like a day when I have my own space. I used to get this some Wednesdays when her friend took her out for a few hours. This friend crashed her car into a wall a few weeks ago and the car was a write off, luckily her friend was fine, thank goodness.

So until the insurance is sorted and a new car is purchased all Weds trips are off. I will be very surprised if the insurance company will re-insure a lady of that age (she's same age as my mother). However, my mother seems to think they will from what her friend says; so it's just a matter of finding a suitable replacement.

I think we are both looking forward to Wednesdays once this happens.

2008: Who's a lucky girl
2007: Low Fat Moist Carrot Cake

Labels: , ,


At 6/6/09 00:28, Blogger Anvilcloud said...

Why don't you just set aside a day or morning or afternoon aside just for you, whether she goes out on Wednesday or not? She doesn't have to know about it. Just always say no to errands etc on that day. Just a thought.

At 6/6/09 04:48, Anonymous Karmyn R said...

Is there a local senior center that she could visit on certain days? Sometimes they have buses that will come and pick up older people...and it is usually a very minimal fee.

At 6/6/09 08:24, Blogger Sam said...

I love you both.

Mum Anvilcloud is right - you have to put yourself first some times. You work very hard for everyone and you deserve some me time too. You just have to learn to say no. It's very hard for people like us to say no, because we are yes people, but we have to do it, not just for our own sakes, but for everyone elses too.


At 6/6/09 16:13, Anonymous Beckie said...

I feel for you. I remember a time very much like this in my life. Talking from my own experience - it didn't last forever (unfortunately).

Pace yourself and take time for yourself and enjoy every minute of it.

At 6/6/09 16:48, Blogger Pamela said...

I was going to suggest a senior center, too.

Great Auntie Fern loves her retirement cetner. BUT, they don't provide the nursing care, which she needs more of now --

And having a sis in law with Alzhiemers, I can really relate to the dealing with dementia. SOOOO frustrating.

Scary, too. To think about what is in our own future.

At 6/6/09 18:10, Blogger Beccy said...

There's some good ideas here. I think you could start with a daily walk, time out to think about what you want to do and take it from there.

At 6/6/09 21:43, Blogger ChrisB said...

AC you are right that's a good idea and I have tried it but I then give in to the emotional blackmail. I need to be firmer.

Karmyn sorry to say the centres we have would not suit my mother 'they are full of old people' she says.

Sam she doesn't realise what she's like. The latest is she falls asleep with things in her hand e.g. it was a cup of hot tea the other day; it spilled all over her.

Beckie this is why I go away as much as I can-while I still can.

Pamela I really dread the thought of losing my independence.

Beccy a walk is good and I don't do it often enough, I should really be in training for race for life, it's next weekend.

At 8/6/09 04:59, Blogger Amrita said...

Oh my goodness I am right there with you in this.
I am with my mom 24/7 and its very frustrating and depressing at times.

Caregiving is not an easy task.

Thank you for not deleting this post


Post a Comment

<< Home