Open letter to guest next door

Dear Smoker

I personally have no objection to you smoking which may or may not contribute to your early demise. The fact that you will very likely need treatment for smoking related illnesses in the future only rankles a little bit as my taxes contribute to the NHS (National Health Service) that will be forced to treat you.

What I do very strongly object to is the fact that you throw your cigarette butt out of the bedroom window and into my garden or onto my kitchen roof. Why do you do this when smoking is not permitted in the guest house? I understand notices are in the bedrooms to advise guests of this! Maybe it is ignorance and you can't read but that is easily remedied as the local college does offer adult reading classes. I noticed that the bedroom window was wide open so I see you like fresh air even on a chilly morning~ silly me you weren't just hoping to get rid of the smell were you!!

You must have seen that there is a seating area outside the guest house. That is not to admire the view but to facilitate (that means make it easier in case you don't know) smokers. In future please do me the courtesy of using it.

Sadly you are not the first guest who has behaved in this manner, however I would like think you might be the last to cause me the inconvenience of clearing up behind you.

thank you

PS yes just in case you are wondering I do have evidence and I will be telling the proprietor.

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October 25th 2006: Cape Cod

Open letter

Dear Mr A**h*l* Motorist
Yes I am talking to you, the idiot who has just ploughed (at speed) through a very deep puddle that had formed around a storm drain just along the road from my house.

1 If you didn't see the road was flooding then I suggest a trip to the optician pronto.

2 If you don't know how to drive in poor conditions or know how to circumnavigate a puddle I suggest that you give up driving henceforth.

Until you came by I was congratulating myself that although it was bucketing down my large umberella was keeping me relatively dry. I was on the way back from the local monthly market when along you come with contempt for the pedestrian. Having drenched me, and my shopping, you didn't even have the decency to stop and say sorry.

Yours grumpily.


PS I was so wet I had to strip off my trousers (not a pretty sight!) before entering my house. This resulted in a neighbour reporting me for indecent exposure so if you read about this in the local paper you can always seek me out to aplogise!!

By the way I like Thornton chocolates, Freshias and champagne..........

Footnote
I'm sure you realised the postscript was my little joke that is except the bit about stripping off my trousers!!!