Witty Wednesday # 104

By the time you are reading this I will be on my way to Ireland to visit Beccy and the grand children. I'm not sure if I will get time to send you a postcard but I will do my best. In the mean time I'll leave you with something which I hope will make you smile.

Daffy thank you for the giggle and yes I'm passing it on

The average person over 40 years of age cannot do it!

1. This is this cat.
2. This is is cat.
3. This is how cat.
4. This is to cat.
5. This is keep cat.
6. This is an cat.
7. This is old cat.
8. This is fart cat.
9. This is busy cat.
10. This is for cat.
11. This is forty cat.
12. This is seconds cat.

Now go back and read the third word in each line from the top down and I
betcha' you cannot resist passing it on... not that I'm suggesting any of you are number 8.
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Kids:

A Kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they were drawing. She would occasionally walk around to see each child's work.

As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was.

The girl replied, 'I'm drawing God.'

The teacher paused and said, 'But no one knows what God looks like.'

Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing, the girl replied, 'They will in a minute.'
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A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year old children.

After explaining the commandment to 'honour' thy Father and thy Mother, she asked, 'Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?'

Without missing a beat one little boy (the oldest of a family) answered, 'Thou shall not kill.'
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The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture.

'Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, 'There's Jennifer, she's a lawyer,' or 'That's Michael, He's a doctor.'

A small voice at the back of the room rang out, 'And there's the teacher, she's dead.'
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A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, she said, 'Now, class, if I stood on my head, the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I would turn red in the face.'

'Yes,' the class said.

'Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary position the blood doesn't run into my feet?'

A little fellow shouted,
'Cause your feet ain't empty.'
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The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray:

'Take only ONE . God is watching.'

Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies.

A child had written a note, 'Take all you want. God is watching the apples.'
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And one from EmBee:

Nelson Mandela is relaxing at home, when he hears a knock at the door. As he opens it, he is confronted by a little Chinese man, clutching a clip board and yelling, 'You Sign! You sign!' Behind him is an enormous truck full of car exhausts.
Nelson is standing there in complete amazement, when the Chinese man starts to yell louder, 'You Sign! You sign!'
Nelson says to him, 'Look, you've obviously got the wrong man,' and shuts the door in his face.

The next day he hears a knock at the door again. When he opens it, the little Chinese man is back with a huge truck of brake pads. He thrusts his clipboard under Nelson's nose, yelling, 'You sign! You sign!'
Mr. Mandela is getting a bit ticked off by now, so he pushes the little Chinese man back, shouting, 'Look, go away! You've got the wrong man. I don't want them!'

Then he slams the door in his face again.


The following day, Nelson is resting, and late in the afternoon, he hears a knock on the door again. On opening the door, there is the same little Chinese man thrusting a clipboard under his nose, shouting, 'You sign! You sign!' Behind him are TWO very large trucks full of car parts.
This time Nelson loses his temper completely, he picks up the little man by his shirt front and yells at him, 'Look, I don't want these! Do you understand?

You must have the wrong name!

Who do you want to give these to?'
The little Chinese man looks very puzzled, consults his clipboard, and says,

(It's a beauty)

(Wait for it)

(Get your best Chinese accent ready 'You not Nissan Main Deala??'

Have fun while I'm away.

Archives:
2008: Local Produce and Pool Fun Portugal-4
2007: Butterfly Conservatory Niagara

Fun Monday # 107 Kids Say the Darndest Things

Mariposa has given us a good topic this week, and in the past,I have read some very amusing things said by blogger's children so I know we will be having some really good fun today. She says:

Kids Say the Darnedest Things!

Yes, they can be your children...your nephew...niece....siblings...just any experience which makes you say...indeed, Kids Say the Darnedest Things! They need not be a lot...but no limit to how many you can share...more means more fun!

This was not the easiest post for me because I'm not in close contact with many young children these days. So if you want to leave now that's OK by me.

When my own children were young many moons ago now I do recall Beccy couldn't pronounce all her words and she would say to everyone 'wipe your peet' and and it was always an elipant!
I also recall my children were very good at showing me up. It was sometimes necessary to tell a white lie so as not to hurt someone's feelings- my two always liked to earwig and several times I remember that uncomfortable feeling when they butted in "that's not right mummy you said....." they got one of my special looks!

My eldest grandson (Dillon) must have caught the earwiging from his mum. When he was a tot and he used to sit in the back of our people carrier and clearly listen to the conversation. One day his little voice piped in to say "speak louder I can't hear the news" (gossip more like which is why we had dropped our voices!)

Embee reminded me of the time when we were on the beach in Cornwall in the rain and we wondering what to do and again Dillon said "can we go somewhere with a roof"-very sensible.

There was also the time when Embee rang Dillon a day late to wish him a Happy Birthday and his response was "It already was my Birthday" so cute!

Another time Embee asked him what he had done with the sun and he replied "I put it in the drawer and it wasn't there when I got up". He's now a strapping teenager and is very good at the quick retorts if only I could remember some recent ones!

That's me done for today, looking forward to having a laugh when I visit you :)

Archives:
2007: Fancy Cakes