I would like to state the jokes are not meant to offend anyone and nor is the language so I'm apologising in advance.
Daffy forwarded me these:
Friends:
Englishman v Frenchman:An Englishman is having breakfast, in Paris , one morning (coffee, croissants, bread, butter and jam) when a Frenchman, chewing bubble-gum, sits down next to him. The Englishman ignores the Frenchman who, nevertheless, starts a conversation.
Frenchman: 'You English folk eat the whole bread??'
Englishman (in a bad mood): 'Of course.'
Frenchman: (after blowing a huge bubble) 'We don't. In France , we only eat what's inside. The crusts we collect in a container, recycle it, transform them into croissants and sell them to England .' The Frenchman has a smirk on his face.
The Englishman listens in silence.
The Frenchman persists: 'Do you eat jam with the bread??'
Englishman: 'Of Course.'
Frenchman: (cracking his bubble-gum between his teeth and chuckling).
'We don't. In France we eat fresh fruit for breakfast, then we put all the peels, seeds, and leftovers in containers, recycle them, transform them into jam, and sell the jam to England.'
After a moment of silence, The Englishman then asks: 'Do you have sex in France?'
Frenchman: 'Why of course we do', he says with a big smirk.
Englishman: 'And what do you do with the condoms once you've used them?'
Frenchman: 'We throw them away, of course'
Englishman: 'We don't. In England, we put them in a container, recycle them, melt them down into bubble-gum, and sell them to France.'
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From Embee (not sure if I've used this one before!):
The hair cut: One day a florist goes to a barber for a haircut. After the cut he
asked about his bill and the barber replies, 'I cannot accept money
from you. I'm doing community service this week.' The florist was
pleased and left the shop.
When the barber goes to open his shop the next morning there is a
'thank you' card and a dozen roses waiting for him at his door..
Later, a cop comes in for a haircut, and when he tries to pay his
bill, the barber again replies, 'I cannot accept money from you. I'm
doing community service this week.' The cop is happy and leaves the
shop.
The next morning when the barber goes to open up there is a 'thank
you' card and a dozen donuts waiting for him at his door.
Later that day, a college professor comes in for a haircut, and when
he tries to pay his bill, the barber again replies, 'I cannot accept
money from you. I'm doing community service this week.' The professor
is very happy and leaves the shop.
The next morning when the barber opens his shop, there is a 'thank
you' card and a dozen different books, such as 'How to Improve
Your Business' and 'Becoming More Successful.'
Then, a Member of Parliament comes in for a haircut , and when he goes
to pay his bill the barber again replies, 'I cannot accept money from
you. I'm doing community service this week.' The Member of Parliament
is very happy and leaves the shop.
The next morning when the barber goes to open up, there are a dozen
Members of Parliament lined up waiting for a free haircut.
And that, my friends, illustrates the fundamental difference between
the citizens of our country and the Members of Parliament
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This made me chuckle:
Have a good day, we are having some exceptionally hot weather at the moment so it feels like summer is here at last.
Labels: breakfast, friends, hair cut, witty weds
