Witty Wednesday # 74 Police, sex symbol, Harley Davidson

Thanks John I have been trawling back through my emails and I think you sent me this months ago!

HOW TO CALL THE POLICE WHEN YOU'RE OLD AND DON'T MOVE FAST ANYMORE.

George Phillips of Marsh Green, Wigan was going up to bed when his wife told him that he'd left the light on in the garden shed, which she could see from the bedroom window.

George opened the back door to go turn off the light but saw that there were people in the shed stealing things.

He phoned the police, who asked 'Is someone in your house?' and he said 'no'. Then they said that all patrols were busy, and that he should simply lock his door and an officer would be along when available. George said, 'Okay,' hung up, counted to 30, and phoned the police again.

'Hello, I just called you a few seconds ago because there were people stealing things from my shed. Well, you don't have to worry about them now because I've just shot them.' Then he hung up.

Within five minutes three police cars, an Armed Response Unit, and an ambulance showed up at the Phillips' residence and caught the burglars red-handed.

One of the Policemen said to George: 'I thought you said that you'd shot them!'
George said, 'I thought you said there was nobody available!'

Don't mess with old people!!

SEX SYMBOL
You need to click on this and wait a few seconds to get the effect.

....and I'm not sure who to thank for the one below it was on a joke site!

Harley Davidson

Arthur(Harley)Davidson, died and went to heaven.

At the gates, St. Peter told Arthur, "Since you've been such a good man and your motorcycles have changed the world, your reward is, you can hang out with anyone you want in Heaven."

Arthur thought about it for a minute and then said, "I want to hang out with God."

St. Peter took Arthur to the Throne Room and introduced him to God.
God recognized Arthur and commented, "Okay, so you were the one who invented the Harley Davidson motorcycle?"

Arthur said, "Yep, that's me."

God said, "Well, what's the big deal in inventing something that's pretty unstable, makes noise and pollution and can't run without a road?"

Arthur was apparently embarrassed, but finally he said, "Excuse me, but aren't You the inventor of woman?"

God said, "Yes."

"Well," said Arthur, "professional to professional, you have some major design flaws in your invention:

1. There's too much inconsistency in the front-end protrusions;
2. It chatters constantly at high speeds;
3. Most of the rear ends are too soft and wobble too much;
4. The intake is placed way too close to the exhaust;
5. And the maintenance costs are enormous!"

"Hmmm, you have some good points there," replied God, "hold on." God went to His Celestial super computer, typed in a few words and waited for the results. The computer printed out a slip of paper and God read it.

"Well, it may be true that my invention is flawed," God said to Arthur, "but according to these numbers, more men are riding my invention than yours."

Better late than never but after reading these you may not agree hehehe LOL

Christmas Eve Police Spy

I don't suppose anyone will be blogging today but I just had to share this. As I walked to get the morning paper I was surprised to see FIVE police officers (yes I did say 5!) standing in the middle of the road. They were smiling and wished me a Merry Christmas so I asked what they were doing, I'm forever nosey, interested in what goes on being active in the Neighbourhood Watch (that's my excuse and I'm sticking to it). I was told they were checking for drunk driving, last night's party revelers!! OK 9am are they joking I would have thought the revelers were long gone and certainly would not be about this early to be caught with alcohol still running through their veins! Now had they been out there at 4 or 5am (when I heard plenty of cars about) they would have caught them going home drunk. Maybe there's no crime being committed today and they needed to keep the staff busy! Now don't get me wrong I'm all for catching the drunk drivers, but somehow I feel they are concentrating on the wrong people today!! Anyone will tell you, in this country if you need the police they are too busy to respond quickly and now I know why!

So my Christmas Message is enjoy yourself but don't Drink 'n' Drive and if you drive past my house this morning you might just get stopped. So you can always call in for coffee because my friend, Kim, gave me an early Christmas present yesterday of this..... which I am prepared to share with my friends. Kim said whenever she goes to Tim Hortons she thinks about our (that's Tina and me) Canadian trip back in the summer (she did consider bringing Timbits but decided they wouldn't travel~ wise decision!)

Embee has just gone to the airport to collect Beccy and the gang and I'm having a quick coffee before they get here. That's when the fun begins....oops I still need to clean the bathroom better get my skates on.

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December 24th 2006: Christmas Eve and One day to go