Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Witty Wednesday # 96

This came from my friend Anna:

9 months later!!!

John decided to go skiing with his buddy, Keith. So they loaded up John's minivan and headed north.

After driving for a few hours, they got caught in a terrible blizzard.
So they pulled into a nearby farm and asked the attractive lady who answered the door if they could spend the night.

'I realize it's terrible weather out there and I have this huge house all to myself, but I'm recently widowed,' she explained. 'I'm afraid the neighbours will talk if I let you stay in my house.'

'Don't worry,' John said. 'We'll be happy to sleep in the barn. And if the weather breaks, we'll be gone at first light.' The lady agreed, and the two men found their way to the barn and settled in for the night.

Come morning, the weather had cleared, and they got on their way.
They enjoyed a great weekend of skiing.

But about nine months later, John got an unexpected letter from an attorney. It took him a few minutes to figure it out, but he finally determined that it was from the attorney of that attractive widow he had met on the ski weekend.

He dropped in on his friend Keith and asked, 'Keith, do you remember that good-looking widow from the farm we stayed at on our ski holiday up north about 9 months ago?'

'Yes, I do.' Said Keith.

'Did you, er, happen to get up in the middle of the night, go up to the house and pay her a visit?'

'Well, um, yes!,' Keith said, a little embarrassed about being found out, 'I have to admit that I did.'

'And did you happen to give her my name instead of telling her your name?'

Keith's face turned beet red and he said, 'Yeah, look, I'm sorry, buddy. I'm afraid I did.' 'Why do you ask?'

'She just died and left me everything.'

(And you thought the ending would be different, didn't you?...
I borrowed the next one from Grannymar.


Two sisters, one blonde and the other brunette, inherit the family ranch.

Unfortunately, after just a few years, they are in financial trouble.

In order to keep the bank from repossessing the ranch, they need to purchase a bull so that they can breed their own stock.

Upon leaving, the brunette tells her sister, ‘When I get there, if I decide to buy the bull, I’ll contact you to drive out after me and haul it home.’

The brunette arrives at the man’s ranch, inspects the bull, and decides she wants to buy it. The man tells her that he will sell it for $599, no less. After paying him, she drives to the nearest town to send her sister a telegram to tell her the news. She walks into the telegraph office, and says, ‘I want to send a telegram to my sister telling her that I’ve bought a bull for our ranch. I need her to hitch the trailer to our pickup truck and drive out here so we can haul it home.’

The telegraph operator explains that he’ll be glad to help her, then adds, it will cost 99 cents a word.’ Well, after paying for the bull, the brunette realizes that she’ll only be able to send her sister one word.

After a few minutes of thinking, she nods and says, ‘I want you to send her the word ‘comfortable.’

The operator shakes his head. ‘How is she ever going to know that you want her to hitch the trailer to your pickup truck and drive out here to haul that bull back to your ranch if you send her just the word ‘comfortable?’

The brunette explains, ‘My sister’s blonde. The word is big. She’ll read it very slowly…. ‘com-for-da-bul.’
This is one from Daffy
The Afterlife

A couple made a deal that whoever died first would come back and
Inform the other of the afterlife.. Their biggest fear was that there was no afterlife.

After a long life, the husband was t he first to go, and true to his word he made contact.

'Mary. Mary.' 'Is that you, Fred? '

'Yes, I've come back like we agreed.'

'What's it like?'

'Well, I get up in the morning, I have sex, I have breakfast, then off to the golf course, I have sex, I bathe in the sun, and then I have
Sex twice.

Then I have lunch, another romp around the golf course, then sex pretty much all afternoon.

After supper, off to the golf course again.

Then have sex until late at night.

The next day it starts again. '

'Oh, Fred you surely must be in heaven.'

'Not exactly, I'm a rabbit in Surrey .'

Have a good day :)

2008: Names and Numbers
2007: Race for Life

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At 20/5/09 14:45, Anonymous EmBee said...

The People in Bath think that they are hilarious all three. Thanks. Love.

At 20/5/09 14:47, Blogger Rayne said...

These are fantastic! Thanks for the morning laugh.

At 20/5/09 16:12, Anonymous Beckie said...

Oh, Chris, these were all good! If it wasn't for your blog I would never hear a good joke.


At 20/5/09 16:18, Blogger Beccy said...

Just wondering is it a coincidence, the names on the first joke?

At 20/5/09 19:35, Blogger Jettie said...

i have to agree with beckie!!!!Always gets a chuckle..or two!!

At 20/5/09 19:54, Anonymous daffy said...

hehe! Welcome back! Hope you are ok. I'll catch up on your happenings!

At 21/5/09 05:28, Blogger Pamela said...

thanks for the smiles.
I needed them!

At 21/5/09 07:28, Blogger bermudabluez said...

All three of these are TERRIFIC! I loved them...thanks for the laugh!


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