Witty Wednesday # 95

Beccy sent me this about a month ago:

WARNING TO WOMEN - THIS IS HAPPENING TO WOMEN EVERYWHERE
You've heard about people who have been abducted and had their kidneys removed by black-market organ thieves?

My thighs were stolen from me during the night a few years ago. I went to sleep and woke up with someone else's thighs. It was just that quick. The replacements had the texture of cooked oatmeal. Whose thighs were these and what happened to mine?

My bum was next. I knew it was the same gang, because they took pains to match my new rear-end to the thighs they had stuck me with earlier. But my new bum was attached at least three inches lower than my original!

Two years ago I realized my arms had been switched. One morning I was drying my hair and was horrified to see the flesh of my upper arm swing to and fro with the motion of the hairbrush. This was really getting scary - my body was being replaced one section at a time.

Last year I thought some one had stolen my Boobs. I was lying in bed and
they were gone! But when I jumped out of bed, I was relieved to see that
they had just been hiding in my armpits as I slept. Now I keep them hidden
in my waistband.

These same thieves invaded my closet and shrank my clothes! How do they do it???? What could they do to me next?

When my poor neck suddenly disappeared and was replaced with a turkey neck, I decided to tell my story. Women of the world wake up and smell the coffee! Those 'plastic' surgeons are using REAL replacement body parts -stolen from you and me! The next time someone you know has something 'lifted', look again - was it lifted from you?

Now I wonder who got all my parts LOL.
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Pamela sent me this:

A man is dining in a fancy restaurant and there is a gorgeous redhead sitting at the next table. He has been checking her out since he sat down, but lacks the nerve to talk with her.

Suddenly she sneezes, and her glass eye comes flying out of its socket toward the man.. He reflexively reaches out, grabs it out of the air, and hands it back.

'Oh my, I am so sorry,' the woman says as she pops her eye back in place.

'Let me buy your dinner to make it up to you,' she says.

They enjoy a wonderful dinner together, and afterwards they go to the theatre. They talk, they laugh, she shares her deepest dreams and he shares his. After paying for everything, she asks him if he would like to come to her place for a nightcap. They had a wonderful, wonderful time.

The next morning, she cooks a gourmet meal with all the trimmings and invites the guy over. The guy is amazed. Everything had been SO incredible!

'You know,' he said, 'You are the perfect woman. Are you this nice to every guy you meet?'

'No,' she replies...

(Wait for it...)

(It's coming...)

(The suspense is killing you, isn't it?)

She says:
.
.
.
.
.
.

'You just happened to catch my eye.' I wonder did I use this one before! (too lazy to double check).

Pamela when I saw these I was reminded of you.......

.....very wise to leave the dust...you haven't taken any chances nor have you wasted your life :)
Happy Wednesday.

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