Witty Wednesday # 50..... Blondes and others

John thinks this is a WW must~ I've certainly heard it before and I may even have posted it but I'm not checking back on the past fifty Wednesday posts~ (reminder to self put better labels on each post)!

The Blonde Handywoman

A blonde, wanting to earn some extra money decided to hire herself out as a 'Handywoman' and started canvassing the neighbourhoods.

She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any odd jobs for her to do.

'Well, I guess I could use somebody to paint my porch,' he said. 'How much will you charge me?'

The blonde quickly responded, 'How about £50?'

The man agreed and told her that the paint and everything she would need was in the garage.

The man's wife, hearing the conversation, said to her husband, 'Does she realize that our porch goes all the way around the house?'

He responded, 'That's a bit cynical, isn't it?'

The wife replied, 'You're right. I guess I'm starting to believe all those dumb blonde jokes '

A short time later, the blonde handywoman came to the door to collect her money. 'You finished already?' the husband asked.

'Yes,' the blonde replied, 'and I had paint leftover, so I gave it two coats - no extra charge .'

Impressed, the man reached into his pocket for the £50 and handed it to her.

'And by the way,' the blonde added ... 'it's not a Porch -- it's a Lexus.'

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I got this in an email from my friend Carol and unfortunately not all the animation uploaded and I'm not savvy enough to correct it!

GOD CREATED CHILDREN (AND IN THE PROCESS GRANDCHILDREN)


To those of us who have children in our lives, whether they are our own, grandchildren, nieces, nephews, or students...here is something to make you chuckle.

Whenever your children are out of control, you can take comfort from the thought that even God's omnipotence did not extend to His own children.

After creating heaven and earth, God created Adam and Eve.

And the first thing he said was
" DON'T !"





"Don 't what ? " Adam replied.

"Don't eat the forbidden fruit." God said.

"Forbidden fruit ? We have forbidden fruit ? Hey Eve..we have forbidden fruit ! "



" No Way ! "
"Yes way ! "

"Do NOT eat the fruit ! " said God.




"Why ? "

"Because I am your Father and I said so ! "God replied, wondering why He hadn't stopped creation after making the elephants

A few minutes later, God saw His children having an apple break and He was ticked !
"Didn't I tell you not to eat the fruit ? " God asked.



"Uh huh," Adam replied.

"Then why did you ? " said the Father.

"I don't know," said Eve.
"She started it ! " Adam said.

"Did not ! "
"Did too ! "
"DID NOT ! "

Having had it with the two of them,
God's punishment was that Adam and Eve
should have children of their own.
Thus the pattern was set and it has never changed.


If you have persistently and lovingly tried to give children wisdom and they haven't taken it, don't be hard on yourself.

If God had trouble raising children, what makes you think it would be a piece of cake for you ?

THINGS TO THINK ABOUT !

1. You spend the first two years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next sixteen telling them to sit down and shut up.

2. Grandchildren are God's reward for not killing your own children.

3. Mothers of teens now know why some animals eat their young.

4 Children seldom misquote you. In fact, they usually repeat word for word what you shouldn't have said

5. The main purpose of holding children's parties is to remind yourself that there are children more awful than your own

6. We childproofed our homes, but they are still getting in.


ADVICE FOR THE DAY:

Be nice to your kids. They will choose your nursing home one day

AND FINALLY:

IF YOU HAVE A LOT OF TENSION AND YOU GET A HEADACHE, DO WHAT IT SAYS ON THE ASPIRIN BOTTLE:

(this should be a medicine cabinet that opens!)

"TAKE TWO ASPIRIN"
AND "KEEP AWAY FROM CHILDREN"!!!!!

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How quickly the years pass

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Tips for the ladies in year 2008

1. Aspire to be Barbie - the bitch has everything.

2. If the shoe fits - buy one in every colour.

3. Take life with a pinch of salt... A wedge of lime, and a shot of tequila.

4. In need of a support group? - Cocktail hour with the girls!

5. Go on the 30 day diet. (I'm on it and so far I've lost 15 days).

6. When life gets you down - just put on your big girl panties and deal with it.

7. Let your greatest fear be that there is no PMS and this is just your personality.

8. I know I'm in my own little world, but it's o k. They know me here..

9. Lead me not into temptation, I can find it myself.

10. Don't get your knickers in a knot, it solves nothing; and makes you walk funny.

11. When life gives you lemons in 2008 - turn it into lemonade then mix it with vodka.

12. Remember every good looking; sweet, single male is someone else's ex-boyfriend!

Have a fun day
Archives:
2007: These feet are made for stamping + Fun Monday #18 Ode to Computers