Wednesday, March 19, 2008

Witty Wednesday # 41

This is such an amusing 'Letter from A farm Kid' sent to me by Lisa Marie

Dear Ma and Pa,
I am well. Hope you are.Tell Brother Walt and Brother Elmer the Marine Corps beats working for old man Minch by a mile. Tell them to join up quick before all of the places are filled.

I was restless at first because you got to stay in bed till nearly 6 A.M. but I am getting so I like to sleep late.

Tell Walt and Elmer all you do before breakfast is smooth your cot, and shine some things. No hogs to slop, feed to pitch, mash to mix, wood to split, fire to lay. Practically nothing.

Men got to shave but it is not so bad, there's warm water.

Breakfast is strong on trimmings like fruit juice, cereal, eggs, bacon, etc., but kind of weak on chops, potatoes, ham, steak, fried eggplant, pie and other regular food, But tell Walt and Elmer you can always sit by the two city boys that live on coffee.
Their food plus yours holds you till noon when you get fed again.

It's no wonder these city boys can't walk much. We go on 'route marches,' which the platoon sergeant says are long walks to harden us.
If he thinks so, it's not my place to tell him different. A 'route march' is about as far as to our mailbox at home.
Then the city guys get sore feet and we all ride back in trucks.

This will kill Walt and Elmer with laughing. I keep getting medals for shooting. I don't know why. The bulls-eye is near as big as a chipmunk head and don't move, and it ain't shooting at you like the Higgett boys at home. All you got to do is lie there all comfortable like and hit it. You don't even load your own cartridges. They come in boxes.

Then we have what they call hand-to-hand combat training. You get to wrestle with them city boys. I have to be real careful though, they break real easy.
It ain't like fighting with that ole bull at home.
I'm about the best they got in this except for that Tug Jordan from over in Silver Lake .
I only beat him once.
He joined up the same time as me, but I'm only 5'6' and 130 pounds and he's 6'8' and near 300 pounds dry.

Be sure to tell Walt and Elmer to hurry and join before other fellers get onto this setup and come stampeding in.

Your loving daughter,
john is keeping me well suppled with jokes as you can see!
Dear Dad letter

A father passing by his son's bedroom, was astonished to see the bed was nicely made, and everything was picked up. Then, he saw an envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow. It was addressed,
With the worst premonition, he opened the envelope and read the letter, with trembling hands.

'Dear Dad. It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you. I had to elope with my new girlfriend, because I wanted to avoid a scene with Mum and you. I've been finding real passion with Stacy, and she is so nice, but I knew you would not approve of her, because of all her piercing's, tattoos, her tight Motorcycle clothes, and because she is so much older than I am.

But it's not only the passion, Dad. She's pregnant. Stacy said that we will be very happy. She owns a trailer in the woods, and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. We share a dream of having many more children.

Stacy has opened my eyes to the fact that marijuana doesn't, really hurt anyone. We'll be growing it for ourselves, and trading it with the other people in the commune, for all the cocaine and ecstasy we want.

In the meantime, we'll pray that science will find a cure for AIDS, so Stacy can get better. She sure deserves it!

Don't worry Dad, I'm 15, and I know how to take care of myself. Someday, I'm sure we'll be back to visit, so you can get to know your many grandchildren.

Love, your son, Joshua.
P.S. Dad, none of the above is true. I'm over at Jason's house.

I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than
the school report that's on the kitchen table.

Call when it is safe for me to come home :)

2007: Fun Monday 9 A day in my life or my life in a day



At 19/3/08 09:13, Blogger Beccy said...

Love the second one.

At 19/3/08 12:23, Blogger Alix said...

I love them both so funny.

At 19/3/08 12:52, Blogger Steffi said...

That´s funny. I like the second too.

At 19/3/08 13:19, Blogger Anvilcloud said...

I enjoyed the letters very much.

At 19/3/08 13:44, Anonymous nikki said...

Love your daughter Carol! Hahahahah I freaking love it!

At 19/3/08 14:48, Anonymous EmBee said...

We seem to be neglecting Topsy Tortoise a bit as no bulletin has appeared today yet. So here goes. Her eyes are answering to the medication and are both open - one better than the other. the mouth is also responding and is nearly better just wants one more dose and it is expected to be able to take her home to-morrow to add to the Chrisbnursing load. Thanks for all your thoughts and wishes. EmBee

At 19/3/08 15:15, Blogger Misslionheart♥ said...

Great funnies! Thanks for entertaining me during my ironing break!

Mine's up soon...

At 19/3/08 15:17, Blogger Rachel said...

OMG that second one is hilarious!! I only wish I had something like that when I was in school!!

At 19/3/08 15:44, Blogger john.g. said...

Glad you enjoyed, Chris! xx

At 19/3/08 16:50, Blogger Beckie said...

OhMyGosh - they were both hilarious! That first one is SO true and last is just plain funny.

At 19/3/08 19:25, Anonymous daffy said...

That first one had me in fits of giggles, I love the way things are taken in a completely different perspective! Love Carol! hehe... brilliant!
The second one scares me a little! :o)

At 19/3/08 22:32, Blogger Betty said...

Thanks for sharing the two letters. And thank you for visiting me today and leaving a comment.

At 20/3/08 02:36, Blogger lisa marie said...

Oh I love that letter to Dad! If my kids were more imaginative I can see us getting one of those. :)

At 20/3/08 02:37, Blogger lisa marie said...

Glad to hear Topsy is doing better. Yay Topsy!

At 20/3/08 06:34, Blogger Emma in Canada said...

I think the second one is hilarious! Wish I had been that witty when I was 15.

At 20/3/08 11:36, Blogger frannie said...

those are hilarious!!! I was completely caught off guard both times!!

At 20/3/08 15:24, Blogger Lil Mouse said...

cute jokes.


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