Witty wed 40

This is from john I think I have seen it before but I felt it was worth another airing as some of the answers are just brilliant!

A 1st grade school teacher had twenty-six students in her class. She presented each child in her classroom the 1st half of a well-known proverb and asked them to come up with the remainder of the proverb. It's hard to believe these were actually done by first graders. Their insight may surprise you. While reading, keep in mind that these are first-graders, 6-year-olds, because the last one is a classic!


Proverb.........................Child's Answer

1. Don't change horses............until they stop running.

2. Strike while the................bug is close.

3. It's always darkest before............Daylight Saving Time.

4. Never underestimate the power of..........termites.

5. You can lead a horse to water but.........How?

6. Don't bite the hand that..................looks dirty.

7. No news is................................impossible

8. A miss is as good as a....................Mr.

9. You can't teach an old dog new............Math

10. If you lie down with dogs, you'll........stink in the morning.

11. Love all, trust..........................Me.

12. The pen is mightier than the.............pigs.

13. An idle mind is..........................the best way to relax.

14. Where there's smoke there's..............pollution.

15. Happy the bride who......................gets all the presents.

16. A penny saved is.........................not much.

17. Two's company, three's...................the Musketeers.

18. Don't put off till tomorrow what.........you put on to go to bed.

19. Laugh and the whole world laughs with you, cry and.......You have to blow your nose.

20. There are none so blind as...............Stevie Wonder.

21. Children should be seen and not..........spanked or grounded.

22. If at first you don't succeed............get new batteries.

23. You get out of something only what you....See in the picture on the box

24. When the blind lead the blind.............get out of the way.

25. A bird in the hand........................is going to poop on you.

And the WINNER and last one!

26. Better late than........................Pregnant

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This next one is also from John:
For those that don't know him, Major General Peter Cosgrove is an 'Australian treasure!' He was interviewed on the radio recently.

This is a portion of the ABC interview between a female broadcaster and the General, who was about to sponsor a Boy Scout Troop visiting his military headquarters.

FEMALE INTERVIEWER:
So, General Cosgrove, what things are you going to teach these young boys when they visit your base?

GENERAL COSGROVE:
We're going to tach them climbing, canoeing, archery and shooting.

FEMALE INTERVIEWER:
Shooting! That's a bit irresponsible isn't it?

GENERAL COSGROVE:
I don't see why, they'll be properly supervised on the rifle range.

FEMALE INTERVIEWER:
Don't you admit that it's a terribly dangerous activity to be teaching children?

GENERAL COSGROVE:
I don't see how. We will be teaching them proper rifle discipline before they even touch a rifle.

FEMALE INTERVIEWER:
But you're equipping them to become violent killers.

GENERAL COSGROVE:
Well, Ma'am, you're equipped to be a prostitute, but you're not one are you?

The radio went silent, and the interview ended!

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While I was away last week this arrived from enidd who had got it from her mother-in-law. Embee thinks I may have posted this joke before as he says he has sent it to me. If I have I'm sorry and you can skip it~I'm too senile to remember and too lazy to check!!!!

THE THREE BEARS

A far more accurate account of the events of that fateful morning...

Baby Bear goes downstairs, sits in his small chair at the table. He looks into his small bowl. It is empty. "Who's been eating my porridge?" he squeaks.

Daddy Bear arrives at the big table and sits in his big chair. He looks into his big bowl and it is also empty. "Who's been eating my porridge?" he roars.

Mummy Bear puts her head through the serving hatch from the kitchen and yells, "For God's sake, how many times do I have to go through this with you idiots? It was Mummy Bear who got up first. It was Mummy Bear who woke everyone in the house. It was Mummy Bear who made the coffee. It was Mummy Bear who unloaded the dishwasher from last night and put everything away. It was Mummy Bear who swept the floor in the kitchen. It was Mummy Bear who went out in the cold, early morning air to fetch the newspaper and croissants. It was Mummy Bear who set the damn table. It was Mummy Bear who walked the bloody dog, cleaned the cats' litter tray, gave them their food, and refilled their water. And now that you've decided to drag your sorry bear-arses downstairs and grace Mummy Bear with your grumpy presence, listen carefully, because I'm only going to say this once...

I HAVEN'T MADE THE F***ING PORRIDGE YET!!!"

Whatever you are doing today have fun and keep smiling the weekend will soon be here :)

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