Wednesday, January 16, 2008

Witty Wednesday # 33


I can thank my food and wine bloggy friend Barbara who has just moved back to Australia for this one!


A man is driving down the road and his car breaks down near a monastery.

He goes to the monastery, knocks on the door, and says, 'My car broke down. Do you think I could stay the night?'

The Monks graciously accept him, feed him dinner, and even fix his car.

As the man tries to fall asleep, he hears a strange sound-- a sound unlike anything he's ever heard before. The Sirens that nearly seduced Odysseus into crashing his ship come to his mind. He doesn't sleep that night. He tosses and turns trying to figure out what could possibly be making such an intriguing and seductive sound.

The next morning, he asks the Monks what the sound was, but they say, 'We can't tell you. You're not a Monk.'

Distraught, the man is forced to leave.

Years later, after never being able to forget that sound, the man goes back to the monastery and pleads for the answer again.

The Monks reply, 'We can't tell you. You're not a Monk.'

The man says, 'If the only way I can find out what is making that beautiful sound is to become a Monk, then please, make me a Monk.'

The Monks reply, 'You must travel the earth and tell us how many blades of grass there are and the exact number of grains of sand. When you find these answers, you will have become a Monk.'

The man sets about his task.

After years of searching, he returns as a gray-haired old man and knocks on the door of the monastery. A Monk answers. He is taken before a gathering of all the Monks.

'In my quest to find what makes that beautiful sound, I traveled the earth and have found what you asked for: By design, the world is in a state of perpetual change.
Only God knows what you ask. All a man can know is himself, and only then if he is honest and reflective and willing to strip away self deception.'

The Monks reply, 'Congratulations. You have become a Monk. We shall now show you the way to the mystery of the sacred sound.'

The Monks lead the man to a wooden door, where the head monk says, 'The sound is beyond that door.'

The Monks give him the key, and he opens the door. Behind the wooden door is another door, made of stone. The man is given the key to the stone door and he opens it, only to find a door made of ruby. And so it goes that he needs keys to doors of emerald, pearl and diamond.

Finally, they come to a door made of solid gold. The sound has become very clear and definite. The Monks say, 'This is the last key to the last door.'

The man is apprehensive to no end. His life's wish is behind that door!

With trembling hands, he unlocks the door, turns the knob, and slowly pushes the door open. Falling to his knees, he is utterly amazed to discover the source of that haunting and seductive sound.
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But I can't tell you what it is because you're not a Monk.

Now, before you yell at me, please remember that I am not a monk
either, so I don't know the answer!
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Embee sent me this one.......

And They Ask---

Why I Like Retirement????




Question: How many days in a week?

Answer: 6 Saturdays, 1 Sunday

Question: When is a retiree's bedtime?

Answer: Three hours after he falls asleep on the couch.



Question: How many retirees to change a light bulb?

Answer: Only one, but it might take all day.

Question: What's the biggest gripe of retirees?

Answer: There is not enough time to get everything done.

Question: Why don't retirees mind being called Seniors?

Answer: The term comes with a 10% percent discount.

Question: Among retirees what is considered formal attire?

Answer: Tied shoes.

Question: Why do retirees count pennies?

Answer: They are the only ones who have the time.

Question: What is the common term for someone who enjoys work and refuses to retire?

Answer: NUTS!



Question: Why are retirees so slow to clean out the basement, attic or garage?

Answer:They know that as soon as they do, one of their adult kids will want to store stuff there.

Question: What do retirees call a long lunch?

Answer: Normal



Question: What is the best way to describe retirement?

Answer: The never ending Coffee Break.

Question: What's the biggest advantage of going back to school as a retiree?

Answer: If you cut classes, no one calls your parents.



Question: Why does a retiree often say he doesn't miss work, but misses the people he used to work with?

Answer: He is too polite to tell the whole truth.

Question: What do you do all week?

Answer: Monday to Friday; Nothing

Saturday & Sunday I rest.





(I hate to admit that I can relate to some of them~ actually a lot of them!!)


So, If you have not yet retired, look what you have to look forward to.







Have a good day whatever you are doing~ no snoozing in the chair for me I'm off for a swim. Mind you it is a session for the over 50's !!!!!!

Archives:
2007: Baked Salmon Papillote....

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26 Comments:

At 16/1/08 12:26, OpenID grannymar said...

Chris they are brilliant!

 
At 16/1/08 12:53, Anonymous swampy said...

You have way too much time on your hands, galfriend.
As for the Monk, story. My hands are trying to reach through your monitor to give your neck a little squeeze.

 
At 16/1/08 14:24, Blogger Asha said...

Haha!! Now I have to go and count the grass blades around the World!
Retirement sounds great to me although I dread having Arvind home 24/7 unless we are traveling together somewhere!;D

 
At 16/1/08 15:14, Blogger thefoodsnob said...

Good ones, Chris!
I see you're lazing about in retirement: going swimming, going to London, going to San Francisco. I hope I 'relax' as much as you when I retire!


Lisa

 
At 16/1/08 15:15, Blogger Steffi said...

Great post and funny pictures!

 
At 16/1/08 15:50, Blogger Rachel said...

The retiree ones are cute! But, that Monk story! Ugh! I wanna know the answer!

 
At 16/1/08 17:11, Blogger Alix said...

Ahhhh to the Monk one someone clever and witty make up an answer! I need resolution.
I loved the retirement ones especially about missing the people - LOL

 
At 16/1/08 17:23, Blogger Sandy said...

Great jokes, Chris. Those darn Monks!

 
At 16/1/08 17:27, Anonymous enidd said...

thanks for the giggle, chris! enidd needed it,

 
At 16/1/08 17:29, Blogger john.g. said...

Was the little old lady dancing around based on anyone I might have come across?

*outa here*

 
At 16/1/08 17:45, Anonymous nikki said...

I love the little naked running man at the end of your post. Hope your swim was a good one.

 
At 16/1/08 18:05, Anonymous Karmyn R said...

That Monk joke reminds me of some ping-pong joke I heard years ago - very involved and at the end when the guy says: What did you do with all those balls? And you are ready for the answer...the other guy turns, chokes, and dies.

 
At 16/1/08 19:05, Blogger katy said...

thats not fair i now going to send himself to become a monk to find our the answer!
loved the retirement quips and clips!

 
At 16/1/08 19:46, Anonymous wolfbaby said...

Man that first one is just plain wrong.. wrong i tell you now i will be thinking about it LOL

 
At 16/1/08 21:40, Blogger frannie said...

retirement sounds lovely!!!

and the monk joke was very clever!

 
At 16/1/08 23:12, Blogger Beccy said...

So now I know how you spend your days!!!!

 
At 16/1/08 23:25, Anonymous Christine said...

I can't wait to retire, and I've got a long way to go! :)

Cute jokes, and the first one about the Monk, well, let's just say I'd rather retire, than become a monk!

 
At 17/1/08 05:03, Blogger Kila said...

I think I prefer the insanity here ;)

Great post, though!

 
At 17/1/08 11:09, Blogger Peter said...

Hi Chris, I had heard that first joke before but it took me about three quarters of the story to remember the punch line... I knew exactly how that guy felt!!!! great story though.

 
At 17/1/08 15:30, Blogger ChrisB said...

swampy I know what you mean!

lisa it does seem I do a lot but to me my life seems quite boring on a daily basis. I know I should be thankful and I am really!

rachel so did I I wasn't expecting that punchline at all!

chris is glad she made enidd giggle.

john I soo wanna get you one of these days!!

katy now that's a good idea I should send embee to join him!!

peter I though it was only me who did that sort of thing!!

 
At 18/1/08 03:52, Blogger lisa's chaos said...

You always keep me laughing! :)

 
At 18/1/08 06:12, Blogger Pamela said...

I would like to retire--- I have so many things I want to do.

how about they tell me cuz I'm a monkey...

 
At 18/1/08 07:44, Blogger Barbara said...

I'm looking forward to being a senior and getting half price at the movies.

 
At 18/1/08 15:20, Blogger Anvilcloud said...

It can be good, can't it?

 
At 18/1/08 16:34, Blogger ChrisB said...

barbara here in the UK you get concessions at 60 which is great. When I was in the states I was buying tickets for a museum and the girl asked me was I a senior and I said yes so saved myself a couple of dollars. Afterwards Sam was cross with me because apparently you are not a senior until 65 in the US~ oops! What is the age in Australia?

 
At 19/1/08 09:39, Blogger my4kids said...

AAhhhh that first one is just not fair!!

The second one is cute I should get the email to pass to my father who is retiring this year.

 

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