Wednesday, August 01, 2007

Witty Wednesday # 15

Thank you Suzanne for this one (Suzanne is a lurker. I know she sometimes read my blog but she hasn't yet comment!!)

Three men were hiking through a forest when they came upon a large, raging violent river.

Needing to get on the other side, the first man prayed, "God, please give me the strength to cross the river." Poof! God gave him big arms and strong legs and he was able to swim across in about 2 hours, having almost drowned twice.

After witnessing that, the second man prayed, "God, please give me strength and the tools to cross the river." Poof! God gave him a rowboat and strong arms and strong legs and he was able to row across in about an hour after almost capsizing once.

Seeing what happened to the first two men, the third man prayed, “God, please give me the strength, the tools and the intelligence to cross. The river." Poof! He was turned into a woman. She checked the map, hiked one hundred yards up stream and walked across the bridge.

John contributed these:

A man moves into a nudist colony. He receives a letter from his grandmother asking him to send her a current photo of himself in his new location. Too embarrassed to let her know that he lives in a nudist colony, he cuts a photo in half and mails it.

The next day he discovers that he had accidentally sent the bottom half of the photo. He's really worried but then remembers how bad his grandmother's eyesight is, and hopes she won't notice.

A few weeks later, he receives a letter from his Grandmother. It says: "Thank you for the picture. Change your hairstyle … it makes your nose look too short." Love, Grandma

A gentle smile.

An Amish boy and his father on a rare day out of the Community, had gone to visit a distant town, where they found themselves in a mall.
They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and then slide back together again.
The boy asked, "What is this Father?"
The father (never having seen an elevator) responded, "Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life, I don't know what it is."
While the boy and his father were watching with amazement, a fat old lady in a wheel chair moved up to the moving walls and pressed a button.
The walls opened, and the lady rolled between them into a small room.
The walls closed, and the boy and his father watched the small numbers above the walls light up sequentially. They continued to watch until it reached the last number, and then the numbers began to light in the reverse order.
Finally the walls opened up again and a gorgeous 24-year-old blonde stepped out.
The father, not taking his eyes off the young woman, said quietly to his son.… "Go and fetch your mother."

Enjoy the rest of your week we're now half way to the weekend!!

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At 1/8/07 12:41, Blogger Asha said...

The first joke, I need to make my husband read that ASAP!!;D
He would rather go in circles than ask anybody for directions!!

At 1/8/07 13:52, Anonymous enidd said...

thanks for brightening enidd's very early wednesday!

At 1/8/07 14:06, Blogger The Artist formerly Known as Purpleworms (!) said...

I like the first joke best!! And I like the moss too. I'm TRYING to cultivate moss - be thankful you have enough moisture. We are DRY as bones out here this year!! The moss give the walk a solid old look - I'd keep it!

At 1/8/07 14:12, Anonymous nikki said...

I love witty Wednesdays. I know I where to come for my morning laugh.

(Pssst! I've moved! Please update for Fun Monday. I'm now at Typepad. Thanks!)

At 1/8/07 16:45, Blogger Beckie said...

Those were all funny and new to me!

Did you get my email about Fun Monday hosting - I just didn't want it to go to spam.

Have a good week!

At 1/8/07 17:09, Anonymous Lisa said...

Great, as always! Thanks!

At 1/8/07 17:21, Blogger ChrisB said...

asha ah that's men for you!:)

enidd I did notice the time!!

wendy wish I could magic the moss to you- I need a Harry Potter spell!!

nikki now I know why I couldn't get into your (old) blog!

beckie hopefully you will have had my email; thanks for volunteering :)

lisa I debated on the last one as I didn't want to be offensive!

At 1/8/07 19:50, Blogger frannie said...

I loved all of these!!!

sorry that I haven't been around much!

At 1/8/07 22:42, Anonymous Karmyn R said...

hee hee

At 2/8/07 09:44, Blogger ChrisB said...

frannie it's always lovely to see you:)

At 2/8/07 23:26, Blogger my4kids said...

love the jokes! number 2 is just bad!

At 3/8/07 07:33, Blogger la bellina mammina said...

Great joke! ;-)


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