Wednesday, June 17, 2009

Witty Wednesday # 100

I can't believe I've managed to produce a 100 of these....what do you think time for a change!?

The first laugh this week is from a plurk friend 'down under'. Rantz has even set up a blog Plurkfiends for plurkers.


A Priest was being honoured at his retirement dinner after 25 years in the parish. A leading local politician and member of the congregation was chosen to make the presentation and to give a little speech at the dinner.

However, the politician was delayed, so the Priest decided to say his own few words while they waited:
'I got my first impression of the parish from the first confession I heard here.I thought I had been assigned to a terrible place. The very first person who entered my confessional told me he had stolen a television set and, when questioned by the police, was able to lie his way out of it. He had stolen money from his parents, embezzled from his employer, had an affair with his boss's wife, taken illegal drugs, and gave VD to his sister. I was appalled.
But as the days went on I learned that my people were not all like that and I had, indeed, come to a fine parish full of good and loving people.'...

Just as the Priest finished his talk, the politician arrived full of apologies at being late. He immediately began to make the presentation and gave his talk:

'I'll never forget the first day our parish Priest arrived,' said the politician. 'In fact, I had the honour of being the first person to go to him for confession.'
Moral : Never, Never, Never Be Late
These I saw over at Merle's Third Try and she was happy for me to pass them on.

Gotta Love Little Boys:

Two young boys walked into a pharmacy one day, picked out a box of tampons and proceeded to the checkout counter.
The man at the counter asked the older boy, "Son, how old are you?"
The boy replied, "Eight."
The man continued, "Do you know what these are for?"
The boy replied, "No exactly, but they aren't for me. They are for him. He's my brother and he is four. We saw on TV that if you use these, you would be able to swim, play tennis and ride a bike. Right now, he can't do none of those.

A man appeared before St. Peter at the pearly gates. "Have you ever done anything
during your lifetime on earth of particular merit?" St Peter asked.

"Well, I can think of one thing," the man offered.

"On a trip to the Black Hills of Dakota, I came upon a gang of bikers, who were
threatening a young woman. I directed them to leave her alone, but they wouldn't listen.

So I went up to the largest and most heavily tattooed biker and smacked him on the head
kicked his bike over, ripped off his nose ring and threw it on the ground. "I yelled,
"Now Back off.""

St Peter was very impressed. "When did this happen?" he asked.
"Couple of minutes ago."

Have a Happy Day

2008: Trying to stop Thieves
2007: Father's Day

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At 17/6/09 10:59, Anonymous daffy said...

hehe Thanks for the smiles!

At 17/6/09 11:15, Anonymous Grannymar said...

When you make people smile, why change?

I love the middle one!

At 17/6/09 13:35, Blogger karisma said...

hehe! Thanks for the laughs. Loved the tampon one, had everyone here giggling. And there I was all distracted reading away and TBF the little sneak brushed my hair! The hide of her, maybe I like the wild, birds nest look! LOL

At 17/6/09 15:12, Blogger JanMary said...

Very funny - loved the first one!

Yes - I probably did pass close by on the way to Cribbs!

At 17/6/09 16:31, Anonymous Karmyn R said...

The first one made me snort. Never be late! Lesson learned. (or if you are late - sneak into the back and remain silent!)

At 17/6/09 17:18, Blogger Pamela said...

a couple of minutes ago.. bwaa ha ha. well at least he ended up at the right gate.

At 18/6/09 07:58, Blogger Steffi said...

Very funny! Thanks for sharing. I like the first one.

At 19/6/09 20:16, Blogger The Artist formerly Known as Purpleworms (!) said...

Well, that is 100 times that you've struck gold, then!! These were very funny! (Of course with me I'd repeat myself since I can't remember a joke from one day to the next!!)


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