Witty Wednesday # 38

These are my three new magnets!!!



<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>
My friend Barbara sent me these amusing one liners!

HUMOR FOR LEXOPHILES (LOVERS OF WORDS):

• I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.
• Police were called to a day care where a 3-yr-old was resisting a rest.
• Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.
• The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.
• The butcher backed up into the meat grinder & got a little behind in his work.
• To write with a broken pencil is pointless.
• When fish are in schools, they sometimes take debate.
• The short fortune teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.
• A thief who stole a calendar got 12 months.
• A thief fell & broke his leg in wet cement. He became a hardened criminal.
• When the smog lifts in Los Angeles, U.C.L.A.
• The dead batteries were given out free of charge.
• A dentist & a manicurist fought tooth and nail.
• A bicycle can't stand alone; it is two tired.
• A will is a dead giveaway.
• Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.
• A backward poet writes inverse.
• In a democracy it's your vote that counts; in feudalism, it's your Count that votes.
• A chicken crossing the road: poultry in motion.
• If you don't pay your exorcist you can get repossessed.
• Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft & I'll show you A-flat miner.
• The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine was fully recovered.
• A grenade fell onto a kitchen floor in France, resulted in Linoleum Blownapart.
• You are stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.
• A calendar's days are numbered.
• A lot of money is tainted: 'Taint yours, and 'taint mine.
• A boiled egg is hard to beat.
• He had a photographic memory which was never developed.
• Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.
• When you've seen one shopping center, you've seen a mall.
• When she saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she'd dye.
• Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis.
• Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.
• Acupuncture: a jab well done.

Whatever you are doing today keep smiling :) :)
Archives:
2007: Organic Lunch at Marc Michelle's