Wednesday, February 20, 2008

Witty Wednesday # 38


These are my three new magnets!!!



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My friend Barbara sent me these amusing one liners!

HUMOR FOR LEXOPHILES (LOVERS OF WORDS):

  • I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.
  • Police were called to a day care where a 3-yr-old was resisting a rest.
  • Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.
  • The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.
  • The butcher backed up into the meat grinder & got a little behind in his work.
  • To write with a broken pencil is pointless.
  • When fish are in schools, they sometimes take debate.
  • The short fortune teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.
  • A thief who stole a calendar got 12 months.
  • A thief fell & broke his leg in wet cement. He became a hardened criminal.
  • When the smog lifts in Los Angeles, U.C.L.A.
  • The dead batteries were given out free of charge.
  • A dentist & a manicurist fought tooth and nail.
  • A bicycle can't stand alone; it is two tired.
  • A will is a dead giveaway.
  • Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.
  • A backward poet writes inverse.
  • In a democracy it's your vote that counts; in feudalism, it's your Count that votes.
  • A chicken crossing the road: poultry in motion.
  • If you don't pay your exorcist you can get repossessed.
  • Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft & I'll show you A-flat miner.
  • The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine was fully recovered.
  • A grenade fell onto a kitchen floor in France, resulted in Linoleum Blownapart.
  • You are stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.
  • A calendar's days are numbered.
  • A lot of money is tainted: 'Taint yours, and 'taint mine.
  • A boiled egg is hard to beat.
  • He had a photographic memory which was never developed.
  • Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.
  • When you've seen one shopping center, you've seen a mall.
  • When she saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she'd dye.
  • Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis.
  • Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.
  • Acupuncture: a jab well done.
Whatever you are doing today keep smiling :) :)
Archives:
2007: Organic Lunch at Marc Michelle's

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36 Comments:

At 20/2/08 10:01, Blogger Willowtree said...

Ok, now those were good.

That reminds me, I got a fridge magnet recently that I must post about. Oh, and a rather insulting sign too. ;)

 
At 20/2/08 10:45, Blogger ChrisB said...

WT Might I know what that sign is !!!

 
At 20/2/08 12:10, Blogger Asha said...

I love those quotes. No equality needed, we already surpass men in every way!:))))

 
At 20/2/08 12:24, Anonymous Grannymar said...

Now I will smile for the day

 
At 20/2/08 13:08, Blogger Alix said...

I loved those they were so funny, a great start to the day! I shall re read them after I've checked on the enormous hole and have another good laugh.

 
At 20/2/08 13:25, Blogger Anvilcloud said...

Some great puns there.

 
At 20/2/08 13:34, Blogger Lil Mouse said...

those are cute little statements!

 
At 20/2/08 14:02, Blogger secret squirrel said...

Thanks for the email.
Pfffft,not many visitors you have loads of visitors and they leave their love and warmth in their comments.I drop by every day and today not only do i leave a comment but i get a great post to send to my friend who loves play on word things.
I love your magnets to i want the standards one....how did you make them?
xox eve xox

 
At 20/2/08 14:47, Anonymous Hannah said...

I love those one liners, they're great!

 
At 20/2/08 15:07, Anonymous nikki said...

I like to hide my husband's remote. Ooodles of entertainment at my house!

 
At 20/2/08 16:00, Anonymous Karmyn R said...

heh heh - those are good oneliners!

 
At 20/2/08 16:40, Blogger Beckie said...

Those were great!

 
At 20/2/08 17:53, Blogger ChrisB said...

asha well said~ although I don't think the men will agree :)

eve I emailed you :)

nikki I don't need to hide it embee often looses it amongst his papers!!

 
At 20/2/08 17:54, Blogger lisa marie said...

Oh I love all of them, too bad I'll forget them, maybe I should write a few down so I don't forget. :)

 
At 20/2/08 18:00, Blogger john.g. said...

PAAH! lol!

 
At 20/2/08 18:02, Blogger bermudabluez said...

LOVE the magnets, Chris!! And your new header is very springlike!

 
At 20/2/08 18:04, Blogger ChrisB said...

lisa marie I too forget them and, in fact, I sometimes wonder have I posted them before or just read them on someone else's blog!!

john I'm sure there will one you can snigger about in the future!!

 
At 20/2/08 18:05, Blogger Jen said...

Oh my goodness, that made me snicker so hard. I love the one liners! That is entirely my kind of humor. ;)

 
At 20/2/08 18:13, Blogger ChrisB said...

Jeanne I used a photo from my other blog but the only trouble is I would like the header to be smaller and I don't know how to do that~ yet!

 
At 20/2/08 19:18, Anonymous enidd said...

thanks for the giggle, chris!

 
At 20/2/08 20:04, Blogger Joy T. said...

Love these and really love the magnets! Also? Love the new banner. Man, I'm just full of love today :o)

 
At 20/2/08 20:29, Blogger ChrisB said...

joy a bit of love makes me feel all warm so thank you :)

 
At 20/2/08 20:58, Blogger Brom said...

Hello, stumbled in via John G, love that list - Batteries free of charge!, wonderful, I'll be using that one tomorrow!

 
At 20/2/08 21:59, Blogger ChrisB said...

Brom nice of you to 'stumble' in. Glad to have amused you! John is pretty good at keeping the 'jokes' flowing~ but as you see I didn't use any of his this week!!

 
At 21/2/08 02:52, Blogger Shorty said...

ok, i even l o l at the male bashing!!!!!!!!!!!! :-)

 
At 21/2/08 03:02, Blogger frannie said...

those were really good!

 
At 21/2/08 03:04, Blogger Jettie said...

Love The new header!!
and love your new magnets!!

 
At 21/2/08 04:28, Blogger Alison said...

those were great!! I like the magnets too!! I also like your new crocus picture!!

 
At 21/2/08 04:33, OpenID eclecticblog said...

Great magnets!!! Love your new header...so Springy!!

 
At 21/2/08 04:55, Blogger Willowtree said...

Chris, I'm thinking you do, seeing as you picked it out!!

 
At 21/2/08 04:56, Anonymous Nekked Lizard Lady said...

Well, I'm the photogentic mind that was never developed.

Great one-liners. I needed the giggles today. Thanks!!

 
At 21/2/08 07:39, Blogger Pamela said...

I must be a lexophile, because I loved it all,.

 
At 21/2/08 08:42, Blogger ChrisB said...

shorty, embee was with me (in fact I think he bought them) so he liked them too!

 
At 21/2/08 08:59, Blogger Beccy said...

Very funny.

 
At 22/2/08 01:17, Blogger Luke said...

Even you can achieve photographic memory. Just need plenty of practice and useful tips, that can be found at http://www.photographic-memory.org. Great articles and tips to guide you.

 
At 24/2/08 02:55, Blogger my4kids said...

The magnets are cute.
Loved they play on words...

 

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