Wednesday, June 13, 2007

Witty Wednesday # 9

The Frog:

A guy is 71 years old and loves to fish. He was sitting in his boat the other day when he heard a voice say, "Pick me up."

He looked around and couldn't see any one. He thought he was dreaming when he heard the voice say again, "Pick me up."

He looked in the water and there floating on the top, was a frog. The man said, "Are you talking to me?"

The frog said, "Yes, I'm talking to you. Pick me up. Then, kiss me and I'll turn into the most beautiful woman you have ever seen. I'll make sure that all your friends are envious and jealous because you will have me as your bride."

The man looked at the frog for a short time, reached over, picked it up carefully, and placed it in his front breast pocket.

Then the frog said, "What, are you nuts? Didn't you hear what I said? I said kiss me and I will be your beautiful bride."

He opened his pocket, looked at the frog and said, "Nah, at my age I'd rather have a talking frog."


A few minutes before the church services started, the congregation was sitting in their pews and talking. Suddenly, Satan appeared at the front of the church.

Everyone started screaming and running for the front entrance, trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away from evil incarnate.

Soon the church was empty except for one elderly gentleman who sat calmly in his pew without moving, seemingly oblivious to the fact that God's ultimate enemy was in his presence.

So Satan walked up to the man and said, "Do you know who I am?"

The man replied, "Yep, sure do,"

"Aren't you afraid of me?" Satan asked.

"Nope, sure ain't." said the man.

"Don't you realize I can kill you with one word?" asked Satan.*

"Don't doubt it for a minute," returned the old man, in an even tone.*

"Did you know that I can cause you profound, horrifying AGONY for all eternity?" persisted Satan.

Yep," was the calm reply.

And you're still not afraid?" asked Satan.

"Nope," said the old man.

More than a little perturbed, Satan asked, "Why aren't you afraid of me?"

The man calmly replied, "Being married to your sister for 48 years kinda made me imune to fear."

I think these came via embee- I wonder is he trying to tell me something!!!!


A man and his wife are awakened at 3 o'clock in the morning by a loud pounding on the door. The man gets up and goes to the door where a drunken stranger, standing in the pouring rain, is asking for a push.
"Not a chance," says the husband. "It is 3 o'clock in the morning." He slams the door and returns to bed.
"Who was that?" asked his wife. "Just some drunk guy asking for a push!"
"Did you help him?" she asks. "No. I did not. It is 3 o'clock in the morning and it is pouring rain outside!"
His wife said, "Can't you remember about three months ago when we broke down and those two guys helped us? You should be ashamed of yourself!"
The man reluctantly gets dressed and goes out into the pouring rain.
He calls out into the dark, "Hello. Are you still there?"
"Yes," comes back the answer.
"Do you still need a push?" calls out the husband.
"Yes! Please!" comes the reply from the darkness.
"Where are you?" asks the husband.

"Over here on the swing!" replies the drunk"

Thank you johng for this one.

Hope this puts a :) on your face to start the day.

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At 13/6/07 10:09, Anonymous EmBee said...

Nice to know someone else has the same terrible taste in jokes, those are good. Love

At 13/6/07 11:54, Blogger Deborah said...

Excellent Chris - a great start to the morning! :-)

At 13/6/07 13:36, Blogger Sally Lomax said...

Loved the drunken man on the swing and the frong one especially.

Great jokes Chris!

At 13/6/07 14:16, Blogger Asha said...

Hahaha!! I think Frog is stupid to ask an old guy to kiss it.He is enjoying his FREEDOM at last and why would he ruin all that for a woman!!;D

At 13/6/07 16:04, Blogger john.g. said...

Loved the Satan one!!

At 13/6/07 16:28, Blogger Beckie said...

I like the last two - made me laugh out loud!

Have a good day - I look forward to your Witty Wednesdays!

At 13/6/07 16:37, Blogger ChrisB said...

embee wait until you see next weeks from John!!

deborah it's a bit lazy really but once a week it can be fun.

sally and john yes these were new ones to me.

asha mind you if I were the frog I wouldn't want to be kissed by some old guy!! :)

At 13/6/07 16:53, Blogger ChrisB said...

beckie if you don't manage to drop by before I'll see you next Weds :)

At 13/6/07 17:10, Blogger The Artist formerly Known as Purpleworms (!) said...

The drunk on the swing was cute! I wish I could tell jokes - it doesn't seem to be a part of my brain capability!

At 13/6/07 18:34, Anonymous Lisa said...

Love to have a Wednesday morning 'hump day' laugh, thanks, Chris!

At 13/6/07 19:13, Blogger Beccy said...

I'd better not tell the frog one to any French people!!!

At 13/6/07 20:55, Blogger Amy W said...

Great jokes, thanks for making me laugh!

At 14/6/07 02:04, Blogger frannie said...

read the satan one to hubby- he loved it

made me smile

At 14/6/07 02:10, Blogger my4kids said...

I've heard the first one before but the last was really the best! Great jokes!

At 14/6/07 07:42, Blogger mjd said...

Thanks for the laugh.

At 14/6/07 12:38, Blogger ChrisB said...

Glad you all started the day with smile on your face :)


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