Wednesday, June 04, 2008

Witty Wednesday # 52

Willowtree supplied me with this first joke.....(elderly lady what or who is he hinting about!!!)

An elderly lady complains to the M.D. that she passes gas many times a day. "It's really more of a nuisance than a problem," she explains, "They're silent and they don't smell." The M.D. gives her a prescription and tells her to come back in a week.

She returns and says, "I don't know what it was you gave me, doc, but I still pass gas all the time, it is still silent, but it smells terribly!"

The M.D. replies, "Now that we've cleared up your sinuses, we'll see what we can do for your hearing."
Do you like corny~ if you do try these!!!

An elephant and turtle

An elephant was drinking out of a river one day, when he spotted a turtle asleep on a log. So, he ambled on over and kicked it clear across the river.

"What did you do that for?" Asked a passing giraffe.

"Because I recognized it as the same turtle that took a nip out of my trunk 53 years ago."

"Wow, what a memory" commented the giraffe.

"Yes," said the elephant, "turtle recall".
The very hungry lion

A hungry lion was roaming through the jungle looking for something to eat. He came across two men. One was sitting under a tree reading a book; the other was typing away on his typewriter. The lion quickly pounced on the man reading the book and devoured him. Even the king of the jungle knows that readers digest and writers cramp.
Farmer milks a cow

A farmer was milking his cow. He was just starting to get a good rhythm going when a bug flew into the barn and started circling his head. Suddenly, the bug flew into the cow's ear. The farmer didn't think much about it, until the bug squirted out into his bucket. It went in one ear and out the udder.
Pigeon flying in sky

But baby pigeon said, "I can't make it; I'll get too tired." His mother said, "Don't worry; I'll tie a piece of string to one of your legs and the other end to mine."

The baby started to cry.

"What's wrong?" said the mother.

"I don't want to be pigeon towed!"
Mary Poppins visiting

Mary Poppins was traveling home, but due to worsening weather, she decided to stop at a hotel for the night. She approached the receptionist and asked for a room for the night.

"Certainly madam", he replied courteously.

"Is the restaurant open still?" inquired Mary.

"Sorry, no," came the reply, "but room service is available all night. Would you care to select something from this menu?"

Mary smiled and took the menu and perused it. "Hmm, I would like cauliflower cheese please," said Mary.

"Certainly madam," he replied.

"And can I have breakfast in bed?" asked Mary politely. The receptionist nodded and smiled. "In that case, I would love a couple of poached eggs please," Mary mused. After confirming the order, Mary signed in and went up to her room for the night.

The night passed uneventfully and next morning Mary came down early to check out. The same guy was still on the desk.

"Morning madam...sleep well?"

"Yes, thank you," Mary replied.

"Food to your liking?"

"Well, I have to say the cauliflower cheese was exceptional, I don't think I have had better. Shame about the eggs tho....they really weren't that nice at all," replied Mary truthfully.

"Oh...well, perhaps you could contribute these thoughts to our Guest Comments Book.

We are always looking to improve our service and would value your opinion," said the receptionist.

"OK, I will...thanks!" replied Mary....who checked out, then scribbled a comment into the book. Waving, she left to continue her journey.

Curious, the receptionist picked up the book to see the comment Mary had written.


Finally to show I have a good sense of humour and women can take a joke!
Part I

Part II

Part III

Part IV

Part V

Happy Wednesday it's countdown to the weekend :)
2007: Fun Monday # 19=Crafty Monday

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At 4/6/08 06:47, Blogger WT said...


At 4/6/08 09:43, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Great jokes there. Just the right way to start my day!

(Off to the Toddler Group to be surrounded by squawking little brats!) lol

At 4/6/08 10:00, Anonymous Grannymar said...

Who would be a Doctor?

Thanks Chris, now I am set up for the day!

At 4/6/08 12:11, Blogger Steffi said...

Funny jokes!I like this with the buttons for Woman´s /Men´s!

At 4/6/08 12:53, Blogger Asha said...

LOL @ "turtle recall"! Elephants do have amazing memory. I saw a program on TV, they feel and behave almost like humans!

At 4/6/08 13:06, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Mine's up!


At 4/6/08 15:26, Blogger Zoomie said...

I loved all of these and inflicted most of them on My Beloved! Thank you!

At 4/6/08 15:33, Blogger john.g. said...

GROAN!!! I'll have to send you some good stuff!

At 4/6/08 18:51, Blogger elena jane said...

rofl, i have to send the last three to my husband the's all about diagrams ;)

At 4/6/08 18:52, Blogger PAT said...

So much fun, Chris! We both enjoyed! Thanks!

At 4/6/08 22:28, Blogger Jettie said...

OOHH for Funny !!!!!!!! love them!!! too bad you couldn't record all of us laugghing as we read them all!!

At 4/6/08 23:20, Blogger Grand Life said...

Good pick-me-up for the afternoon.
Have a great week.

At 5/6/08 00:48, Blogger karisma said...

You know this week I may have to join you and make them groan some more! LOL My darling BIL sent me some really funny ones this week!

At 5/6/08 01:16, Blogger Peter said...

OK Chris, how is your hearing going now?

At 5/6/08 02:03, Blogger frannie said...

all very cute! as usual!

At 5/6/08 05:21, Blogger lisa marie said...

I really loved the corny ones! All funny but those made me really laugh and I had to read them to hubby. :)

At 8/6/08 05:33, Blogger Pamela said...

I wish I could remember jokes like I did when I was younger.

Now I have to copy them down, and then I forget the sheet they are copied to.


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