Witty Wednesday # 16

Senility was sent to me by my friend Ruth.. I wonder what she's trying to tell me!!!!

I feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape, so I got my doctor's permission to join a fitness club and start exercising. I decided to take an aerobics class for seniors. I bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up and down, and perspired for an hour. But, by the time I got my leotards on, the class was over.


Reporters interviewing a 104-year-old woman: "And what do you think is the best thing about being 104?" the reporter asked. She simply replied, "No peer pressure."

The nice thing about being senile is you can hide your own Easter eggs.

Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came up to the very elderly widow and asked, "How old was your husband?" "98," she replied. "Two years older than me." "So you're 96," the undertaker commented. She responded, "Hardly worth going home, is it?"

I've sure gotten old! I've had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement, new knees. Fought prostate cancer and diabetes. I'm half blind, can't hear anything quieter than a jet engine, take 40 different medications that make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts. Have bouts with dementia. Have poor circulation; hardly feel my hands and feet anymore. Can't remember if I'm 85 or 92. Have lost all my friends. But, thank God, I still have my driver's license

An elderly woman decided to prepare her will and told her preacher she had two final requests. First, she wanted to be cremated, and second, she wanted her ashes scattered over Tesco "Tesco?" the preacher exclaimed. "Why Tesco?" "Then I'll be sure my daughters visit me twice a week ."

My memory's not as sharp as it used to be. Also, my memory's not as sharp as it used to be.

Know how to prevent sagging? Just eat till the wrinkles fill out.

I'm getting into swing dancing. Not on purpose. Some parts of my body are just prone to swinging.

It's scary when you start making the same noises as your coffeemaker.

These days about half the stuff in my shopping cart says, "For fast relief."

Don't think of it as getting hot flushes. Think of it as your inner child playing with matches.

Don't let aging get you down It's too hard to get back up!

Remember: You don't stop laughing because you grow old, you grow old because you stop laughing.


THE SENILITY PRAYER : Grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway, the good fortune to run into the ones I do, and the eyesight to tell the difference.

Now did I remember to thank her for this!!!!!
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This is John's ........ Lesson in Logic

If your father is a poor man, it is your fate but, if your father-in-law is a poor man, it's your stupidity.
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I was born intelligent- education ruined me.
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Practice makes perfect.....
But nobody's perfect......
so why practice?
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If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the others here for?
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Since light travels faster than sound, people appear bright until you hear them speak.
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How come "abbreviated" is such a long word?
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Money is not everything.
There's Mastercard & Visa.
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One should love animals.
They are so tasty.
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Behind every successful man, there is a woman
And behind every unsuccessful man, there are two.
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Every man should marry.
After all, happiness is not the only thing in life.
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The wise never marry, and when they marry they become otherwise.
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Success is a relative term.
It brings so many relatives.
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Never put off the work till tomorrow what you can put off today.
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"Your future depends on your dreams"
So go to sleep
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There should be a better way to start a day
Than waking up every morning
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"Hard work never killed anybody"
But why take the risk
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"Work fascinates me"
I can look at it for hours
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God made relatives;
Thank God we can choose our friends.
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The more you learn, the more you know,
The more you know, the more you forget
The more you forget, the less you know
So.. why learn.
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A bus station is where a bus stops.

A train station is where a train stops.

On my desk, I have a work station....
what more can I say........

Have a fun packed day :)