Wednesday, April 01, 2009

Witty Wednesday # 92 'Positions in Bed'

I got this from Daffy who is taking a bloggy break but she is still sending me WW material which is lovely of her.

If you're not familiar with the work of Steven Wright, he's the famous erudite scientist who once said: "I woke up one morning, and all of my stuff had been stolen and replaced by exact duplicates." His mind sees things differently than most of us do, to our amazement and amusement. Here are some of his gems:

1 - I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.

2 - Borrow money from pessimists -- they don't expect it back.

3 - Half the people you know are below average.

4 - 99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

5 - 82.7% of all statistics are made up on the spot.

6 - A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.

7 - A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

8 - If you want the rainbow, you got to put up with the rain.

9 - All those who believe in psycho kinesis, raise my hand.

10 - The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

11 - I almost had a psychic girlfriend, ..... but she left me before we met.

12 - OK, so what's the speed of dark?

13 - How do you tell when you're out of invisible ink?

14 - If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.

15 - Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

16 - When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

17 - Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.

18 - Hard work pays off in the future; laziness pays off now.

19 - I intend to live forever.... so far, so good.

20 - If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

21 - Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.

22 - What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

23 - My mechanic told me, "I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder."

24 - Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?

25 - If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

26 - A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.

27 - Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

28 - The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread

29 - To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.

30 - The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.

31 - The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up.

32 - The colder the x-ray table, the more of your body is required to be on it.

33 - Everyone has a photographic memory; some just don't have film.

And an all time favorite-

34 - If your car could travel at the speed of light, would your headlights work?
When John sent me an email titled *Best Positions in Bed* I wondered what I was going to be seeing!!! I'll share a few you.

Hehehe Don't be fooled on this April Day!

2008: An 'I wish for April Fools Day'
2007: April Fools Day

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At 1/4/09 11:54, Blogger WT said...

Steven Wright a famous erudite scientist? Hardly, he's a stand up comedian specialising in irony, but he is famous. So one out of three ain't bad. Hahahaha

At 1/4/09 12:51, Blogger Asha said...

LOL! Love those quotes. We have a similar guy here called Yogi Berra. He says weird but funny things too. Like "De Ja Vu, all over again" ;D

Those positions are so cute, love the dog and the baby.

At 1/4/09 13:50, Blogger Anvilcloud said...

Great list, and really cute photos.

At 1/4/09 16:06, Blogger ChrisB said...

WT -yep said with tongue in cheek I think!

At 1/4/09 16:41, Blogger Amrita said...

Loved every one of them..Knee slapping

At 1/4/09 17:06, Blogger Steffi said...

Great list and your pics are cute!

At 2/4/09 02:33, Blogger Garnetrose said...

I have had my laugh for the day. :)

At 2/4/09 02:50, Blogger kitten said...

LOL! Love the sayings! THe pictures are just wonderful!

At 2/4/09 03:20, Blogger Alison said...

Hi Chris, just popped in to say hi..glad all is well with you. Your upcoming trip to China sounds fabulous!!

At 2/4/09 09:59, Blogger Peter said...

I never tire of those witty type sayings Chris, they are always funny.

At 3/4/09 07:36, Blogger Pamela said...

I;m cracking my face again! (:


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