Witty Wednesday # 82

From Embee:

A man met a beautiful lady and decided he wanted to marry her right away.
She said, 'But we don't know anything about each other.'

He said, 'That's all right, we'll learn about each other as we go along.'
So she consented; they were married, and off they went on a honeymoon at a very nice resort.

One morning they were lying by the pool, when he got up off of his towel, climbed up to the 10 meter board and did a two and a half tuck, followed by three rotations in the pike position, at which point he straightened out and cut the water like a knife.

After a few more demonstrations, he came back and lay down on the towel.

She said, 'That was incredible!'

He said, 'I used to be an Olympic diving champion. You see, I told you we'd learn more about each other as we went along.'

So she got up, jumped in the pool and started doing lengths. After seventy-five lengths she climbed out of the pool, lay down on her towel and was hardly out of breath.

He said, 'That was incredible! Were you an Olympic endurance swimmer?'

'No,' she said, 'I was a prostitute in Liverpool, but I worked both sides of the Mersey .
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Scotsman & Englishman

There's a Scotsman driving through Europe and an Englishman driving in the opposite direction. In the middle of the night, with no other cars on the road, they collide head on and both cars go flying off in different
directions.

The Scotsman manages to climb out of his car and surveys the damage. He looks at his twisted car and says, 'Jesus, I am really lucky to be alive!' Likewise, the Englishman scrambles out of his car and looks at his wreckage. He too says to himself, 'I can't believe I survived this wreck!'

The Englishman walks over to the Scotsman and says, 'You know, I think this is a sign from God that we should put away our petty differences and live as friends instead of such rivals.'

The Scotsman thinks for a moment and says, 'You know, you're absolutely right! We should be friends. Now I'm gonna see what else survived the wreck.

So, the Scotsman pops open his boot and finds a full unopened bottle of Whisky. He says to the English fella, 'I think this is another sign from
God that we toast to our new found understanding and friendship'

The Englishman says, 'You're damn right!' and he grabs the bottle and
starts sucking down the Whisky. After putting away nearly half the bottle, the Englishman hands it back to the Scotsman and says, 'Your turn!'

The Scotsman twists the cap back on the bottle and says, 'Nah, I think
I'll wait for the police to show up.'

That's it for today folks have a good day.

Archives:
2008: Fun Monday-51 My bedside drawers
2007: Old Haunts Re-visited