Wednesday, August 20, 2008

Witty Wednesday # 61 Blonde, Vodka, Irish


Embee emailed me this one this morning so with apologies to blondes:

BLONDE
A PLANE IS ON ITS WAY TO TORONTO , WHEN A BLONDE IN ECONOMY CLASS GETS UP, AND MOVES TO THE FIRST CLASS SECTION AND SITS DOWN.

THE FLIGHT ATTENDANT WATCHES HER DO THIS, AND ASK TO SEE HER TICKET.

SHE THEN TELLS THE BLONDE THAT SHE PAID FOR ECONOMY CLASS, AND THAT SHE WILL HAVE TO SIT IN THE BACK.

THE BLONDE REPLIES, 'I'M BLONDE, I'M BEAUTIFUL, I'M GOING TO TORONTO AND I'M STAYING RIGHT HERE.'

THE FLIGHT ATTENDANT GOES INTO THE COCKPIT AND TELLS THE PILOT AND THE CO-PILOT THAT THERE IS A BLONDE BIMBO SITTING IN FIRST CLASS, THAT BELONGS IN ECONOMY, AND WON'T MOVE BACK TO HER SEAT.

THE CO-PILOT GOES BACK TO THE BLONDE AND TRIES TO EXPLAIN THAT BECAUSE SHE ONLY PAID FOR ECONOMY SHE WILL HAVE TO LEAVE AND RETURN TO HER SEAT.

THE BLONDE REPLIES, 'I'M BLONDE, I'M BEAUTIFUL, I'M GOING TO TORONTO AND I'M STAYING RIGHT HERE.'

THE CO-PILOT TELLS THE PILOT THAT HE PROBABLY SHOULD HAVE THE POLICE WAITING WHEN THEY LAND TO ARREST THIS BLONDE WOMAN WHO WON'T LISTEN TO REASON.

THE PILOT SAYS, 'YOU SAY SHE IS A BLONDE? I'LL HANDLE THIS, I'M MARRIED TO A BLONDE. I SPEAK BLONDE.'

HE GOES BACK TO THE BLONDE AND WHISPERS IN HER EAR, AND SHE SAYS, 'OH, I'M SORRY.' AND GETS UP AND GOES BACK TO HER SEAT IN ECONOMY..

THE FLIGHT ATTENDANT AND CO-PILOT ARE AMAZED AND ASKED HIM WHAT HE SAID TO MAKE HER MOVE WITHOUT ANY FUSS.


'I TOLD HER, 'FIRST CLASS ISN'T GOING TO TORONTO '.

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This Vodka one is also from embee:

The perils of VODKA

A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak.

After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done.

The monsignor replied, 'When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip.'

So next Sunday he took the monsignor's advice.

At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink.

He proceeded to talk up a storm.

Upon his return to his office after the mass, he found the following note on the door:

1) Sip the vodka, don't gulp.

2) There are 10 commandments, not 12.

3) There are 12 disciples, not 10.

4) Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.

5) Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.

6) We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.

7) The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior and the spook.

8) David slew Goliath; he did not kick the sh-it out of him.

9) When David was hit by a rock and was knocked off his donkey, don't say he was stoned off his ass.

10) We do not refer to the cross as the 'Big T.'

11) WhenJesus broke the bread at the last supper he said, 'Take this and eat, for this is my body.' He did not say, 'Eat me.'

12) The Virgin Mary is not called 'Mary with the Cherry'..

13) The recommended grace before a meal is not: Rub-A-Dub-Dub thanks for the grub, Yeah God.

14) Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at St. Peter's not a peter pulling contest at St. Taffy's.

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This Irish joke arrived in my inbox, from John yesterday.


Paddy was working at the fish plant in Cork when he accidentally cut off all 10 of his fingers.

He went to the emergency room in Cork 's hospital.

The doctor looked at Paddy and said, 'Lets be avin' da fingers and I'll see what oi can do'.

Paddy said, 'Oi haven't got da fingers.'

'Whadda ya mean you haven't got da fingers? Lord Tunderin' Jesus, it's 2008!

We's got microsurgery and all kinds of incredible techniques. I could have put dem back on and made you like new! Why didn't ya bring da fingers?!?'

And Paddy said, ' How da fock was I 'spose to pick them up !!!

Hope these put smile on your face and remember it's all down hill to the weekend!

Archives:
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17 Comments:

At 6/8/08 07:17, Blogger Aoj and The Lurchers said...

Lol!!

 
At 6/8/08 09:28, Blogger tea4two-two4tea said...

brilliant and unfortunately so true!!

 
At 6/8/08 17:43, Blogger john.g. said...

Good'o, Chris!

 
At 6/8/08 18:33, Blogger Jettie said...

OOHH thats good!! I should of thought of that!! Like today I told Slick outta the bathroom(why do kids love the bathroom?) And he was right behind me and it was Buck A boo I meant to call outta the bathroom!!

 
At 6/8/08 18:37, OpenID marmiteandtea said...

Oh I like those!

 
At 6/8/08 20:12, Blogger Joy T. said...

LOL love it! And I think that's my husband in that last picture. To say he's a 'bad' loser is an understatement. Which of course makes me want to win even more :o)

 
At 7/8/08 00:13, Blogger karisma said...

LOL! Oh My! Whats really scary about that centrelink one is I have actually met people like that! Mind you some of them have two kids to each father not just the one. Too funny!

 
At 7/8/08 01:30, Blogger Alison said...

that is too funny...and sad also!!

you have been tagged and awarded over at my site.

 
At 20/8/08 11:30, Blogger Windywoo50 said...

Hi loving the jokes....

 
At 20/8/08 13:23, Anonymous swampy said...

I think that blonde was sitting next to me on my flight from Colorado to Oklahoma the other day.

And no, first class didn't go to Toronto !

 
At 20/8/08 16:09, Blogger john.g. said...

Love Embees jokes!!

 
At 20/8/08 21:50, Blogger Team Gherkin said...

Goon ones! Thanks for the smiles!!!

 
At 20/8/08 21:51, Blogger Team Gherkin said...

Thanks for the smiles!

 
At 21/8/08 13:05, Blogger Sandcastle Momma said...

Those are too funny! Thanks for the laugh.

 
At 21/8/08 13:57, Blogger karisma said...

Giggles very loudly! Why? The Blonde joke! Karisma's little sister is blonde and a real smart arse! Yes she is very clever too! I cannot wait to tell her this one! He he!

 
At 21/8/08 13:58, Blogger Beccy said...

Not sure about the Irish accent!

 
At 22/8/08 08:58, Blogger Steffi said...

Good jokes,Chris!

 

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