Wednesday, July 11, 2007

Witty Wednesday # 12


The Bathtub Test

It doesn't hurt to take a hard look at yourself from time to time, and this should help get you started.
During a visit to the mental asylum, a visitor asked the Director what the criterion was which defined whether or not a patient should be institutionalized.

"Well," said the Director, "We fill up a bathtub then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub."

"Oh, I understand," said the visitor. "A normal person would use the bucket because it's bigger than the spoon or the teacup."

SCROLL DOWN
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"No." said the Director, "A normal person would pull the plug. Do you want a bed near the window?"

DID YOU PASS, OR DO YOU WANT THE BED NEXT TO MINE?



There are two statues in a park; one of a nude man and one of a nude woman.

They had been facing each other across a pathway for a hundred years, when one day an angel comes down from the sky and, with a single gesture, brings the two to life.
The angel tells them, "As a reward for being so patient through a hundred blazing summers and dismal winters, you have been given life for thirty minutes to do what you've wished to do the most."
He looks at her, she looks at him, and they go running behind the shrubbery.
Giggling ensues.
After fifteen minutes or so, the two return, out of breath and laughing.
The angel tells them, "Um, you have fifteen minutes left, would you care to do it again?"
He asks her. "Shall we?"
She eagerly replies, "Oh, yes. let's! But let's change positions. This
time,
I'll hold the pigeon down, and you shit on his head."
AND WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?


ACTUAL AUSTRALIAN COURT DOCKET 12659 --CASE OF THE PREGNANT LADY

A lady about 8 months pregnant got on a bus. She noticed the man opposite her was smiling at her. She immediately moved to another seat.

This time the smile turned into a grin, so she moved again. The man seemed more amused.

When on the fourth move, the man burst out laughing, she complained to the driver, and he had the man arrested.

The case came up in court. The judge asked the man (about 20 years old) what he had to say for himself. The man replied,
"Well your Honor, it was like this:

When the lady got on the bus, I couldn't help but notice her condition. She sat down under a sign that said, 'The Double Mint Twins are coming,' and I grinned."

"Then she moved and sat under a sign that said, ' Logan 's Liniment will reduce the swelling', and I had to smile."

"Then she placed herself under a deodorant sign that said, 'William's Big Stick did the trick,' and I could hardly contain myself."

"BUT, your Honor, when she moved the fourth time and sat under a sign that said, 'Goodyear Rubber could have prevented this accident'... I just lost it."

"CASE DISMISSED!!"


Not sure whether these will raise a laugh or not!!!

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20 Comments:

At 11/7/07 10:03, Blogger Beccy said...

I've secured the bed next to yours (well I didn't want you to be lonely)!

 
At 11/7/07 10:31, Blogger willowtree said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

 
At 11/7/07 10:35, Blogger willowtree said...

I have heard the first two, but still found them funny. As for the third one, being an Australian with a penchant for research and loads of time on my hands,

 
At 11/7/07 10:37, Blogger willowtree said...

Sorry Chris, that was me who deleted the previous comment, the HTML seems to be a bit hinky, it previews fine, but when I publish it goes weird. Anyway, if you click on the blue timestamep you'll get there. Now that really is strange.

 
At 11/7/07 13:06, Anonymous Lisa said...

The Australian one was great!
Thanks for the laughs.

 
At 11/7/07 13:27, Blogger Sally Lomax said...

I laughed again. And at John's and Beccy's..

 
At 11/7/07 13:42, Blogger ChrisB said...

beccy haha!

WT so is it for real?? I would think not.

lisa and sally glad to keep you laughing; I think beccy and john produced funnier ones this week.

 
At 11/7/07 14:46, Blogger Asha said...

Between you and Beccy,my Wednesdays are happiest!:))

 
At 11/7/07 15:38, Blogger mjd said...

I guess, that adding my bed to yours and Beccy's, will make it ward. very funny, Chris.

 
At 11/7/07 15:57, Blogger Anvilcloud said...

It has been ages and ages since I first read that last one. Thanks. I'm going to pull that plug now while there's still time.

 
At 11/7/07 16:45, Blogger john.g. said...

Well done Chris!!

 
At 11/7/07 17:01, Anonymous Karmyn R said...

hee hee - Great jokes today. THanks for the laugh!

 
At 11/7/07 21:31, Anonymous Christine said...

OK, I'm laughing my bum off, I haven't heard any of these before.

The last one, thank god I wasn't drinking anything, it would have gotten all over my monitor.

Thanks for the laughs! Now I'm off to read beccy's.

 
At 11/7/07 23:02, Blogger Tiger Lamb Girl said...

Very funny. I particularly liked the pigeon/angel one the best, lolol.

 
At 11/7/07 23:47, Blogger ChrisB said...

asha that's very sweet of you

mjd ah what fun we'd have !

AC not going to join us then !!

john I need some top ups !!

karmyn I believe they say laughing is good for the sole!

christine- my monitor is frequently splattered in fact it could do with a clean right now!

Tigger lamb girl I thought that was quite funny came from embee.

 
At 12/7/07 03:22, Blogger willowtree said...

Chris, no it's not for real. If you click on the BLUE timestamp in my first comment(somehow that became the link) you can read all about it. Still very funny though.

 
At 12/7/07 03:54, Anonymous Robin said...

I smiled not once, not twice, but three times, my dear. A great way to end the day :D.

(my biggest giggle was in the middle).

 
At 12/7/07 06:47, Blogger Kila said...

The last two made me laugh! Thanks :)

 
At 12/7/07 07:18, Blogger Pamela said...

I've got my mouth guard in but I had some muffled giggles through it.

 
At 12/7/07 09:30, Blogger ChrisB said...

WT there is no blue timestamp showing on your previous comment!? in fact it stops at comma I think it must have been in the deleted one?

robin middle one very chuckle worthy

kila I'm always glad to spread a little happiness.

pamela mouth guard sounds dangerous don't choke!!

 

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