Witty Wednesday # 87

Which family member are you!!!!

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Us grandma's have to stick together; thank you for these Pamela

An elderly Floridian called 911 on her cell phone to report that her car has been broken into. She is hysterical as she explains her situation to the dispatcher.
'They've stolen the stereo, the steering wheel, the brake pedal and even the accelerator!' she cried.
The dispatcher said, 'Stay calm. An officer is on the way.'A few minutes later, the officer radios in.
'Disregard.' He says. 'She got in the back-seat by mistake.'
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Three sisters, ages 92, 94 and 96, live in a house together.
One night the 96-year-old draws a bath.
She puts her foot in and pauses. She yells to the other sisters,
'Was I getting in or out of the bath?'
The 94-year-old yells back, 'I don't know. I'll come up and see.'
She starts up the stairs and pauses 'Was I going up the stairs or down?
The 92-year-old is sitting at the kitchen table having tea and listening to her sisters.
She shakes her head and says, 'I sure hope I never get that forgetful, knock on wood.'
She then yells, 'I'll come up and help Both of you as soon as I see who's at the door.'
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Three retirees, each with a hearing loss, were playing golf one fine March day.
One remarked to the Other, 'Windy, isn't it?'
'No,' the second man replied, 'it's Thursday.'
And the third man chimed in, 'So am I. Let's have a beer.'
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Two elderly ladies had been friends for many decades. Over the years, they had shared all kinds of activities and adventures. Lately, their activities had been limited to meeting a few times a week to play cards.
One day, they were playing cards when one looked at the other and said, 'Now don't get mad at me .. I know we've been friends for a long time, but I just can't think of your name! I've thought and thought, but I can't remember it. Please tell me what your name is.'
Her friend glared at her.
For at least three minutes she just stared and glared at her.
Finally she said, 'How soon do you need to know?'
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DRIVING

Two elderly women were out driving in a large car - both could barely see over the dashboard. As they were cruising along, they came to an intersection.
The stoplight was red, but they just went on through. The woman in the passenger seat thought to herself 'I must be losing it I could have sworn we just went Through a red light.'
After a few more minutes, they came to another intersection and the light was red. Again, they went right through.
The woman in the passenger seat was almost sure that the light had been red but was really concerned that she was losing it. She was getting nervous.
At the next intersection, sure enough, the light was red and they went on through.
So, She turned to the other woman and said, 'Mildred, did you know that we just ran through three red lights in a row? You could have killed us both!'
Mildred turned to her and said, 'Oh, crap, am I driving
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Thanks for these Daffy

Even if you've seen these before, they are still hilarious!!!
What DO they teach in journalism courses these days?
THE YEAR'S BEST (actual!) HEADLINES

Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges
You mean there's something stronger than duct tape?!
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Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says
No, really?
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Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers
Now that's taking things a bit far!
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Panda Mating Fails;
Veterinarian Takes Over
What a guy!
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Miners Refuse to Work after Death
Those good-for-nothing lazy so-and-sos!
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Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant
See if that works any better than a fair trial!
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War Dims Hope for Peace
I can see where it might have that effect!
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If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile
Ya' think?!
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Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures
Who would have thought!
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Enfield Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide
They may be on to something!
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Man Struck By Lightning: Faces Battery Charge
He probably IS the battery charge!
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New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group
Weren't they fat enough?!
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Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft
That's what he gets for eating those beans!
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Kids Make Nutritious Snacks
Do they taste like chicken?
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Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half
Chain-saw Massacre all over again!
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Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors
Boy, are they tall!
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And the winner is....

Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead
Did I read that right?
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Hope you find something to give you laugh.

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