Wednesday, June 20, 2007

Witty Wednesday # 10


Wednesdays seem to come around very quickly and once again I hope I can start your day with a smile!

The blonde jokes came to me courtesy of johng at publog so blame him I'm only the messanger!!!

BLONDE LOGIC

Two blondes living in Oklahoma were sitting on a bench talking, and one blonde says to the other, "Which do you think is farther away... Florida or the moon?"

The other blonde turns and says "Helloooooooooo, can you see Florida ?????"

CAR TROUBLE

A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells the mechanic it died. After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly.
She says, "What's the story?"
He replies, "Just crap in the carburettor"
She asks, "How often do I have to do that?"

SPEEDING TICKET

A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license.

She replied in a huff, "I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you!"

RIVER WALK

There's this blonde out for a walk. She comes to a river and sees another blonde on the opposite bank.

"Yoo-hoo!" she shouts, "How can I get to the other side?"

The second blonde looks up the river then down the river and shouts back, "You ARE on the other side."

AT THE DOCTOR'S OFFICE

A gorgeous young redhead goes into the doctor's office and said that her body hurt wherever she touched it.

"Impossible!" says the doctor. "Show me."

The redhead took her finger, pushed on her left shoulder and screamed, then she pushed her elbow and screamed even more. She pushed her knee and screamed; likewise she pushed her ankle and screamed. Everywhere she touched made her scream.

The doctor said, "You're not really a redhead, are you?

"Well, no" she said, "I'm actually a blonde."

"I thought so," the doctor said. "Your finger is broken."

KNITTING

A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway. Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the blonde behind the wheel was knitting! Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing lights and siren, the trooper cranked down his window, turned on his bullhorn and yelled, "PULL OVER!"

"NO!" the blonde yelled back, "IT'S A SCARF!"

BLONDE ON THE SUN

A Russian, an American, and a Blonde were talking one day. The Russian said, "We were the first in space!"

The American said, "We were the first on the moon!"

The Blonde said, "So what? We're going to be the first on the sun!"

The Russian and the American looked at each other and shook their heads. "You can't land on the sun, you idiot! You'll burn up!" said the Russian.

To which the Blonde replied, "We're not stupid, you know. We're going at night!"

IN A VACUUM

A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. It was her turn. She rolled the dice and she landed on Science & Nature. Her question was, "If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?" She thought for a time and then asked, "Is it on or off?"

FINALLY, THE BLONDE JOKE TO END ALL BLONDE JOKES!

A girl was visiting her blonde friend, who had acquired two new dogs, and asked her what their names
were. The blonde responded by saying that one was named Rolex and one was named Timex.

Her friend said, "Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?"

"HELLLOOOOOOO......," answered the blond. "They're watch dogs


This Irish one came via Embee:

A young Irish Lady on a Flight from Ireland to London asked the Priest sitting next to her if he would do her a favour, "Of course, what is it?" he replied.

"Well, it is my Mum's Birthday and I've bought her an Expensive Ladies Hair Drier that is well over my Customs Limit, I am afraid that they will confiscate it, can you take it through the customs for me, stuck under your Robes perhaps?

The Priest replied "I would love to help you but I have to warn you I cannot tell a lie"

She responded "With your honest face and being a Priest, no one will question you"

Upon Arrival at the Customs Hall, she let the Priest go first. Contrary to what she had thought they stopped him and enquired if he had anything to declare.

He answered "From the top of my Head down to my Waist level and down to the Floor I have nothing to declare"

Puzzled by this strange answer the Official asked "And what have you to declare below the waist level and down to the Floor?"

"I have a wonderful instrument much loved and desired by the Female Gender but which up to now has never been used on any woman" replied the Priest.

Roaring with laughter the Official said "Go ahead Father, Next please!"



Whatever you plan to do today I hope it's with a smile on your face :) :) :)

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20 Comments:

At 20/6/07 09:28, Blogger Deborah said...

Too funny Chris. Thanks for a good start to the day! ;-)

 
At 20/6/07 09:48, Blogger headless chicken said...

Hilarious blonde jokes!....a bit worrying though as I'm in the process of going from brunette/grey to blonde!!!:|

 
At 20/6/07 13:04, Blogger Asha said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

 
At 20/6/07 13:05, Blogger Asha said...

Hahaha!! Hope all the blondes don't get together on Wednesdays and jump on you Chris!:)

 
At 20/6/07 13:19, Blogger ChrisB said...

deborah laughing is good for us.

headless chicken- it's very unfair how blondes are singled out- I'm sort of greying/blonde highlight too!!

asha I shall blame john and send them over to jump on him !! :)

 
At 20/6/07 13:19, Blogger Sally Lomax said...

Great jokes Chris.

HC, my kids would call you a yellow smartie.... blonde on the outside but smart within. (As opposed to a malteser - brown on the outside, blonde within!)

 
At 20/6/07 14:07, Blogger The very nice man said...

Thanks for that Chris, I particularly liked the one with the moon and Florida!!
Great joke!!

 
At 20/6/07 14:22, Anonymous Lisa said...

Well, I liked the priest joke!

 
At 20/6/07 14:23, Blogger mjd said...

Very funny, Chris. I am usually not clever enough to remember jokes, but I certainly enjoy hearing (or reading) them. "Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you!" Hilarious

 
At 20/6/07 15:36, Blogger The Artist formerly Known as Purpleworms (!) said...

Very funny! I guess the Blonde jokes are from the states since you have jumpers over on your side of the ocean and not pull overs. I liked the priest joke and the moon!

 
At 20/6/07 15:56, Blogger ChrisB said...

sally I like the (smartie/malteser) will have to try and remember those.

erik that was a good one

lisa I think that was one of my favourite ones as well.

mjd that one does make me chuckle!!

wendy I think you are right about their origin; priest joke is another of my favourite ones.

 
At 20/6/07 16:18, Blogger john.g. said...

Glad you posted that chris. Loved embee's joke!

 
At 20/6/07 16:41, Blogger my4kids said...

Oh I loved the last one the best...thank your for that! I can use those jokes on Wednesday...trust me...

 
At 20/6/07 17:44, Blogger frannie said...

I loved the priest/ hair dryer joke!!! it was perfect!

 
At 20/6/07 17:47, Anonymous nikki said...

Oh, those were so bad, yet so dang funny!

 
At 20/6/07 19:53, Blogger ChrisB said...

johng -I'm blaming you from any backlash from blondes!!

my4kids and frannie -yes it's a good one :)

nikki I can almost hear the groan as you read it !!!

 
At 20/6/07 22:17, Blogger Barbara said...

I love the Irish priest joke.

 
At 21/6/07 08:20, Blogger Merle said...

Hi Chris ~~ Some great blonde jokes there - thanks for giving us a laugh.

To Embee ~~ Thanks for your comments.
I hope Chris isn't saying "My next husband will be normal." I like the engineers opinion of the glass being twice as big as it should be.
Regards, Merle.

 
At 21/6/07 10:38, Blogger ChrisB said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

 
At 21/6/07 10:40, Blogger ChrisB said...

Hi Merle nice of you to drop by- 'my next husband will be normal' no comment it might incriminate me !! :)

 

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