Wednesday, February 06, 2008

Witty Wednesday # 36

I have john to thank for the first one!

Ralph returns from the doctor and tells his wife that the doctor has told him he has only 24 hours to live.

Given this prognosis, Ralph asks his wife for sex. Naturally, she agrees, and they make love. About six hours later, the husband goes to his wife and says, 'Honey, you know I now have only 18 hours to live.

Could we please do it one more time?' Of course, the wife agrees and they do it again. Later, as the man gets into bed, he looks at his watch and realizes he now has only 8 hours left. He touches his wife's shoulder and asks, 'Honey, please... just one more time before I die ?' she says, 'Of course, dear.'

And they make love for the third time. After this session, the wife rolls over & falls asleep.

Ralph, however, worried about his impending death, tosses & turns until he's down to 4 more hours.

He taps his wife, who rouses. 'Honey, I have only 4 more hours. Do you think we could....?'

At this point the wife sits up and says, 'Listen Ralph, I have to get up in the morning... you don't
Night Stand Photo

After a long night of making love, the guy notices a photo of another man, on the woman's nightstand by the bed. He begins to worry.

"Is this your husband?" he nervously asks.

"No, silly," she replies, snuggling up to him.

"Your boyfriend, then?" he continues.

"No, not at all," she says, nibbling away at his ear.

"Is it your dad or your brother?" he inquires, hoping to be reassured.

"No, no, no! You are so hot when you're jealous!" she answers.

"Well, who in the hell is he, then?" he demands.

She whispers in his ear "That's me before the surgery."
A sense of humor can help you overlook the unattractive, tolerate the unpleasant, cope with the unexpected, and smile through the unbearable.
Author: Moshe Waldoks

Every tear has a smile behind it.
Author: Iranian Proverb

A good neighbor is a fellow who smiles at you over the back fence, but doesn't climb over it.
Author: Bugs Baer
2007: Was yours a top toy



At 6/2/08 10:29, Blogger Sally Lomax said...

Ohh so cruel!! But funny!!!

At 6/2/08 12:08, Anonymous Grannymar said...

I love the second one!

At 6/2/08 13:03, Blogger Asha said...

Hahaha!! Yeah, she needs get up and LIVE as usual unlike him!!! ;D

At 6/2/08 15:14, Blogger Aoj & The Lurchers said...

ha ha ha ha ha!!! Brilliant!

At 6/2/08 15:26, Blogger Pamela said...

My fence is too tall for me to see over it. With one neighbor, that is for the best. The rest of them smile.

At 6/2/08 16:32, Blogger Beckie said...

They are all good, but that middle one is rich!

At 6/2/08 16:40, Blogger Sandy said...

Thanks for the laughs!

At 6/2/08 17:12, Blogger Sauntering Soul said...

Oh my goodness....I loved the second one!

At 6/2/08 17:55, Blogger Rachel said...

That first one made me laugh alot since, right now, my hubby has been off work for about 3 1/2 weeks and I've been saying that to him, he he he!

At 6/2/08 20:01, Blogger my4kids said...

Oh those are good!

At 6/2/08 20:04, Blogger katy said...

very good, nowt like a good to joke to make us chuckle, cheers!

At 6/2/08 21:01, Blogger Steffi said...

Chris, on your date is a mistake... Today is just the February 6 , NO the March 6,2008!

That´s funny!

At 6/2/08 21:12, Blogger Willowtree said...


At 6/2/08 21:39, Anonymous tiger lamb girl said...

I loved the first two. Actually, I liked them all. Very funny!

At 6/2/08 22:48, Blogger ChrisB said...

steffi thank you I'm clearly wishing my time away, I've put the date right now!

At 7/2/08 06:43, Blogger Joy T. said...

AAAAHAHAHA that first husband and wife one is priceless!!!

At 7/2/08 10:01, Anonymous Misslionheart♥ said...

*Love* the first one! lol

At 7/2/08 14:37, Anonymous nikki said...

Thanks for the chuckle. I needed it this morning.


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